Nowadays everyone is abuzz with current affairs.Everyone is well read, and up to date. Me? Not so much. Because I don’t have enough money to buy newspapers and when I am online, the only ‘news’ I get are from political blogs written by brave,daring individuals.So my understanding of current affairs in Malaysia usually comprises of unsubstantiated rumours written with emotion and bias.
And my understanding of world events are even worse. I feel very nervous when people asked me, “Hey have you heard of so and so who did such and such at ….”, because my general knowledge is so poor. But over the years I have come up with 2 ‘safety sentences’ which are guaranteed to keep the conversation flowing and more importantly, make me look like a knowledgeable person.
The first one is : “Yeah, trouble in the Middle East again. What we really need is someone brave enough to take a stance, and get the parties involved talking again.That’s how the peace process can resume”
Now of course, that sentence means absolutely nothing to me.Where the hell is this so-called "Middle East" anyway? Somewhere in Perak? But because I have heard it mentioned in the news so many times, and always involving violence and people refusing to negotiate, when I just utter those few sentences, invariably people will agree with me.Brilliant
The second one is : Yeah, China is in a diplomatic mess again.”
This one works because China is ALWAYS in some sort of diplomatic mess. Tibet, Olympic Games, Communist regime, stealing secrets from the US, they are always in the news, and usually in a very controversial position.
The thing about China is that US is afraid of their progress. 45 year old and above man I know has told me the same story, “Hey, China is going to take over the world you know!”, in a tone that suggests that at one time or another, they were King of The World and their knowledge of current events is first class.
I don’t think China is going to take over anything anytime soon. And there are two reasons : -
1) Most of them can’t speak English
If you can’t speak English properly, then your video message that will be sent all over the world proclaiming your dominance over Earth won’t be impressive. And the whole mystique of controlling the entire world will be gone if it is spelt out with subtitles on the bottom of the screen.
2) Chinese people like to gamble.
This love for gambling has been embedded in the genes of every Chinese born. It has been foretold long ago in the heavens when the Earth was made that ‘Damnit, you Chinese shall go forth and gamble”. I shudder to think of the Fate of our world when they negotiate trade deals and declarations of war by inviting the other countries to participate in a friendly, yet highly tensed game of Mah Jong, or Cho Tai Ti.
More of interest to us though, is the way they gamble. I don’t care if you are a professor, Nobel prize winner, MENSA president, etc, if you are Chinese, the moment you gamble, all your intelligence, education and logic goes out the window.
You see, at the gambling table, Chinese people don’t believe in luck. Luck is for losers. Every Chinese person at the gambling table believes that how much money they win is determined by their own hands, and quite literally. Here’s a normal setup for a gambling session :-
A Chinese man is invited for a game of blackjack. After all, it’s a few more weeks to CNY, so best to get some practice in. Real money is involved of course. So the man sits at the gambling table. Now, at this precise moment where he is physically seated and staring into the eyes of his peers from whom he will win their money through the cards, a very important transformation occurs.
Now he is no longer James Lim from Finance, or Benjamin Teoh, father of two, or Teng Hock Aun, veteran coffeeshop operator.
No, now he is the God of Gamblers. In his mind, he is Chow Yun Fatt with a slick hairstyle and expensive suit.
And so the deck is shuffled by an appointed person. The person, having shuffled sufficiently, now distributes the cards, two each to every player. Let’s go back to our Chinese man. He now has in his hands, two cards. The deck of cards is at least a clear 30 inches away from him.
Now lets make something perfectly clear.
There is NO POSSIBLE WAY for him to change the cards that he has in his hands without cheating. NO POSSIBLE WAY. The strength of his two cards in this game of blackjack was determined when the person was randomly shuffling his deck and then distributed. The luck of his hand was there, right in the moment when the deck was shuffled.
But Mr. God of Gamblers thinks otherwise. Because now comes, in his mind, the most important, pivotal part of the game. Everything hangs onto this one interaction between him and the cards. He now has to ‘will’ the cards in his hand to be an Ace and a King, Queen, Jack or ten. Nevermind the fact that what he has in his hands were determined BEFORE he got them in his possession.
He doesn’t just turn them over, because turning them over to reveal the cards would immediately call upon some force of nature to change his cards to a three and two.No, he now has to press with ALL his might the two cards with his palms, as though trying to fuse both cards to become one, and ever so slowly part them, as though trying to erode the very ink of the cards, slowly, bit by bit, micrometer by micrometer, to reveal the edges of the cards.
And our God of Gamblers starts to erode his cards...sweating…herniating…leaking bodily fluids from every orifice available on his face, sweat coming out of every possible gland……okay…come on…let me see a blue line…come on….more sweat coming out…let’s see that blue line…. YES!!!! A BLUE LINE!!! It’s either a King, Queen or Jack!
Now he turns the just revealed card over to shield the other unseen card. And repeats the process…slowly eroding….yes come on…let’s see the edge empty…I want that Ace…more sweat…he is now swimming in sweat….come on..okay so far so good..all clear…and YES!!!! AN ACE!!!
BLACK JACK BABY!!!!
His face flushed with triumph, he slams the two cards down on the table with a flourish, for he has now earned twice the amount of money he has bet. His facial expression is not one of happiness, but that of a person who has actually worked hard for the money. For he earned the Ace and the King. It was through his work of art, involving his hands, that he was able physically make his cards appear so.
Can you imagine the Ruler of the World, a Chinese emperor of sorts, sitting down at a table, with a deck of cards, facing a president of some sort of world charity organization?
“ Okay…if I get an Ace….I will wipe put world poverty…..let’s see…okay…come on…let’s see that edge nice and clear…come on…so far so good…okay…seems clear…wait …oh no…it’s a Two..sorry that means Africa has to give us money instead..oh you’re not happy? Okay let’s take another card…Ace means you get to keep your head attached to your body….okay come on…let’s see that edge nice and clear…hey where are you going?”
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
A Pre-emptive Strike!
In September 11,2001,a group of bearded men hijacked a couple of planes and flew them into the World Trade Centre the Pentagon.This tragic and horrifying incident heralded the start of a new global conflict,one that will be remembered alongside the both the World Wars,the Nazi Holocaust,the Cold War and all the other large-scale conflicts that shook and changed the world forever.Also,the man on the street lay witness to terrorist tactics,one which involved a modified type of suicide bombing,which came at a very little cost while giving rise to a maximal damage,both physically and psychologically.
In such harrowing times,Malaysia must be prepared for such attacks.For what if a certain world superpower decided that we harboured terrorists in our own backyard?I mean,the Taliban could very well be chilling on Pulau Langkawi,eating satay at Kajang or roti canai at any one of the thousands of mamak stores nationwide.We must definitely defend ourselves if such an attack on our sovereignity was imminent.And as they say,the best defense is a good offense.So,I suggest we conduct pre-emptive strikes to defend our country.The ends justify the means.
How would we do this,you say?Well we use terrorist tactics,but the difference between my proposed strategy and the one employed by the group of fanatics on September 11 is this : it is not suicidal. This particular tactic of mine only requires a few good men and no one dies.Best of all,it is not even a recognized military strategy,so they won’t know it’s us!My pre-emptive,strike-first-before-they-strike-us strategy is : -
Send some Malaysian drivers to our enemy’s country.
Think about it.We send in an attack squad of maybe 10 to 15 motorcyclists,who are usually between 18 to 21,unemployed and extremely stupid,and supported by 40 other hardcore drivers,you know,bus and taxi-drivers.All we have to do is migrate them there,get them some crappy part time jobs,but here’s the catch : their place of work and their living quarters must be at opposite sides of the enemey city.Then,when they start commuting to and fro work on their vehicles,maximum mayhem and chaos will ensue.Millions of enemy civilians will die,causing great depletion of national resources,manpower and a major dent in their economy,rendering them unable to mount any attack on us.
Driving in Penang is unlike driving in any other place.Here,when you are on a two-lane road and you want to switch lanes,you are not supposed to put on your signal,indicating which way you want to switch,because to the Penang driver behind you,that means he has to immediately speed up to your side,blocking you so that you now cannot switch lanes.This has been written down in our Malaysian Constitution,thanks to the wisdom of our forefathers.In fact,if a Penang driver were to mistakenly put on his signal when attempting to switch lanes and if you are behind him and you fail to block his path,then this will only confuse and disorientate him.This is highly dangerous.
Eye contact while driving is also very dangerous in Penang.Once,in KL,a female friend of mine was afraid of people who stared at her when she was driving,because according to her,”they all seemed like they want to rape me”.Things are not so different in Penang.While driving to Seberang Jaya one day,I passed by an awesome looking Mercedes.As I glanced over to look at it,I happened to look at the driver’s face who looked like a demure Chinese girl.She then returned my glance with a such an intense,unforgiving look that I thought she wanted to rape me.
You may have also realized that in Penang,motorcyclists are – to use the politically correct term – demon spawns from hell. According to mythology,demon spawns are servant of Satan and are therefore not bound to the physical laws that govern our world.This thoroughly explains why motorcyclists weave in and out of traffic with no regard for their lives.If they could,they would weave under a truck.Due to such bravery,I propose that we also train some of the demon spawns to become Highly Mobile Emergency Specialists,who will be on-call 24/7,riding their motorbikes to the rescue,because with all the weaving that they do,they will reach the victims in no time,freeing up the ambulances to cope with the other accident victims left behind in the wake of all the weaving.
With all the chaos of Penang driving,we as medical students must remember that we are above such behaviour.I am proud to say that I do my civic duty to make Penang a safer place to drive.Just yesterday,an obviously poorly trained Penang driver dangerously swerved in front of my car, with his signal on.To gently remind him of his inappropriate driving technique,I pressed both palms on my steering wheel to horn him continuously for 5 minutes,all the while following him from behind to not let him out of my sight.I then drove up beside him,smiled and gave him a cheery little wave,but without eye contact.
Well,I am almost reaching my destination now,so I will have to end it here.Driving while typing on such a slow laptop is quite exasperating,to be honest,but you do what you have – hey it’s that same car I honked at yesterday!Wonder what he is doing driving up so closely behind me.Oh look,the driver’s getting out,maybe he wants to say thank you for the reminder I gave him.Wonder why he has a baseball ba
-END-
In such harrowing times,Malaysia must be prepared for such attacks.For what if a certain world superpower decided that we harboured terrorists in our own backyard?I mean,the Taliban could very well be chilling on Pulau Langkawi,eating satay at Kajang or roti canai at any one of the thousands of mamak stores nationwide.We must definitely defend ourselves if such an attack on our sovereignity was imminent.And as they say,the best defense is a good offense.So,I suggest we conduct pre-emptive strikes to defend our country.The ends justify the means.
How would we do this,you say?Well we use terrorist tactics,but the difference between my proposed strategy and the one employed by the group of fanatics on September 11 is this : it is not suicidal. This particular tactic of mine only requires a few good men and no one dies.Best of all,it is not even a recognized military strategy,so they won’t know it’s us!My pre-emptive,strike-first-before-they-strike-us strategy is : -
Send some Malaysian drivers to our enemy’s country.
Think about it.We send in an attack squad of maybe 10 to 15 motorcyclists,who are usually between 18 to 21,unemployed and extremely stupid,and supported by 40 other hardcore drivers,you know,bus and taxi-drivers.All we have to do is migrate them there,get them some crappy part time jobs,but here’s the catch : their place of work and their living quarters must be at opposite sides of the enemey city.Then,when they start commuting to and fro work on their vehicles,maximum mayhem and chaos will ensue.Millions of enemy civilians will die,causing great depletion of national resources,manpower and a major dent in their economy,rendering them unable to mount any attack on us.
Driving in Penang is unlike driving in any other place.Here,when you are on a two-lane road and you want to switch lanes,you are not supposed to put on your signal,indicating which way you want to switch,because to the Penang driver behind you,that means he has to immediately speed up to your side,blocking you so that you now cannot switch lanes.This has been written down in our Malaysian Constitution,thanks to the wisdom of our forefathers.In fact,if a Penang driver were to mistakenly put on his signal when attempting to switch lanes and if you are behind him and you fail to block his path,then this will only confuse and disorientate him.This is highly dangerous.
Eye contact while driving is also very dangerous in Penang.Once,in KL,a female friend of mine was afraid of people who stared at her when she was driving,because according to her,”they all seemed like they want to rape me”.Things are not so different in Penang.While driving to Seberang Jaya one day,I passed by an awesome looking Mercedes.As I glanced over to look at it,I happened to look at the driver’s face who looked like a demure Chinese girl.She then returned my glance with a such an intense,unforgiving look that I thought she wanted to rape me.
You may have also realized that in Penang,motorcyclists are – to use the politically correct term – demon spawns from hell. According to mythology,demon spawns are servant of Satan and are therefore not bound to the physical laws that govern our world.This thoroughly explains why motorcyclists weave in and out of traffic with no regard for their lives.If they could,they would weave under a truck.Due to such bravery,I propose that we also train some of the demon spawns to become Highly Mobile Emergency Specialists,who will be on-call 24/7,riding their motorbikes to the rescue,because with all the weaving that they do,they will reach the victims in no time,freeing up the ambulances to cope with the other accident victims left behind in the wake of all the weaving.
With all the chaos of Penang driving,we as medical students must remember that we are above such behaviour.I am proud to say that I do my civic duty to make Penang a safer place to drive.Just yesterday,an obviously poorly trained Penang driver dangerously swerved in front of my car, with his signal on.To gently remind him of his inappropriate driving technique,I pressed both palms on my steering wheel to horn him continuously for 5 minutes,all the while following him from behind to not let him out of my sight.I then drove up beside him,smiled and gave him a cheery little wave,but without eye contact.
Well,I am almost reaching my destination now,so I will have to end it here.Driving while typing on such a slow laptop is quite exasperating,to be honest,but you do what you have – hey it’s that same car I honked at yesterday!Wonder what he is doing driving up so closely behind me.Oh look,the driver’s getting out,maybe he wants to say thank you for the reminder I gave him.Wonder why he has a baseball ba
-END-
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Short Random Thoughts
Short, random thoughts (1)
This is a random segment where I just randomly blast off random thoughts at random, in a random fashion which you then randomly read at your random leisure.Ready?Let’s randomly move on : -
There is soon to be a global food shortage. Excellent news for people trying to diet.
Of all the hypocrites in the world, none is bigger than whoever is doing the voice-overs for radio ads. How can you swear that one brand is ‘the best in its range’ and then the next minute, swear that a rival brand also “ has the best quality”?. We are indecisive, and in times when we need guidance, all we get is you gushing about how ALL the products are awesome.
The radio-ad guy is also a bit inconsiderate. Many times I have heard him urging me to go to some sale at KL, and then the next minute recommend that I buy some holiday package NOW, and hurry while seats are available. Okay, hold on now, which one would you like me to do?
Have you all heard the Hitz.fm community announcement by Ch’nelle ( is that how you spell it?) about how we must remember our roots, our culture, etc etc. The last part of the announcement then goes something like this : “ And to all you Malaysians out there who have moved to other countries, don’t forget to stay true to your roots”, or something like that, I can’t remember word for word.
Question : If a Malaysian has moved to other countries, how can he listen to this announcement by hitz.fm, a local radio station?
By the way, I love hitz.fm. I honestly believe Rudy and JJ are the funniest radio personalities in Malaysia. Sigh…wonder if will ever read my blog…..
I know there is almost no way I can emphatically prove this, but there is DEFINITELY some form of marijuana in Ramley Burgers.
Have you ever wondered why when Elmer Fudd ran off the cliff while chasing Bugs Bunny, he kept on running in mid air, seemingly defying gravity, and then all of a sudden, he stops, then realizes that he is in mid –air, and then falls down ?
I am sure most people wondered, “How did he defy gravity?” But of course,I had a different perception. I was more curious of , “Why did he stop running?He was doing great the first few metres, why didn’t he keep a good thing going?”
Speaking of cartoons,who here does not feel bad for Wile. E. Coyote?
Where have all the kickass cartoons gone? Where are The Thundercats, He-Man, Beast Wars,Ultramen, Transformers, etc etc? We had like, gigantic robots battling evil,giant spacemen killing monsters and now, we have PowerPuff Girls and Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
Has anyone found out who let the dogs out? It’s been more than 5 years man!
Seriously, where are the hovercars ? Are we that behind in technology? How come we can send like, huge rockets across space to the Moon and Mars, but we can’t make relatively tiny cars jet around in our own atmosphere?See, when I phrase it like that, it sounds absurd that we don’t have Proton Angin, or Honda Sky, or Toyota Cloud right?
When I was young I used to fantasize about flying, as in Superman-style. But here’s the thing,if I were to somehow be granted the power of flight, I will only be able to enjoy it if NO ONE ELSE can fly like me.
And when normal people fantasize about flying, its about freedom, soaring in the skies, flirting with the clouds. But when I fantasize about flying, my thought process goes along the lines of : -
“Phew, save money on petrol man!”
“ If I have super strength, I can fly people around and boy, will AirAsia be
pissed!”
*using a megaphone* “Citizens of KL! I CAN SEE YOUR CLEAVAGE!”
“If I have super strength, I will fly to a random toll plaza on the highways and right before the cars reach the toll, I shall carry them, fly up, and transport them to the other side, just to piss Samy Vellu off”
“Oh no, bladder’s full. Nevermind, I shall sprinkle all over the ocean!”
*At a nearby playground* “ Hey kids want to play kejar-kejar?You kejar me okay?
*At a condominium* ( which I don’t even live in) “Aiyoh, lift break down again ah.? This is very inconvenient lah. Oh well, see you all later!” *fly up,slowly*
*At a court trial for alleged trespassing* “ But Your Honour, I swear that I did not step foot on her property while she was swimming in her pool with her bunch of girlfriends!”
*While suspended 20 feet in mid-air, looking downwards* “ Oi, you want to fight is it?Come lar, fight like a man, c’mon what you waiting for?”
“Wow, that’s a lot lah you’re paying for your flight to Ipoh.Too expensive.I wouldn’t waste my money like that.Okay, see you bro” *fly off,slowly*
And now, this segment shall randomly end.
This is a random segment where I just randomly blast off random thoughts at random, in a random fashion which you then randomly read at your random leisure.Ready?Let’s randomly move on : -
There is soon to be a global food shortage. Excellent news for people trying to diet.
Of all the hypocrites in the world, none is bigger than whoever is doing the voice-overs for radio ads. How can you swear that one brand is ‘the best in its range’ and then the next minute, swear that a rival brand also “ has the best quality”?. We are indecisive, and in times when we need guidance, all we get is you gushing about how ALL the products are awesome.
The radio-ad guy is also a bit inconsiderate. Many times I have heard him urging me to go to some sale at KL, and then the next minute recommend that I buy some holiday package NOW, and hurry while seats are available. Okay, hold on now, which one would you like me to do?
Have you all heard the Hitz.fm community announcement by Ch’nelle ( is that how you spell it?) about how we must remember our roots, our culture, etc etc. The last part of the announcement then goes something like this : “ And to all you Malaysians out there who have moved to other countries, don’t forget to stay true to your roots”, or something like that, I can’t remember word for word.
Question : If a Malaysian has moved to other countries, how can he listen to this announcement by hitz.fm, a local radio station?
By the way, I love hitz.fm. I honestly believe Rudy and JJ are the funniest radio personalities in Malaysia. Sigh…wonder if will ever read my blog…..
I know there is almost no way I can emphatically prove this, but there is DEFINITELY some form of marijuana in Ramley Burgers.
Have you ever wondered why when Elmer Fudd ran off the cliff while chasing Bugs Bunny, he kept on running in mid air, seemingly defying gravity, and then all of a sudden, he stops, then realizes that he is in mid –air, and then falls down ?
I am sure most people wondered, “How did he defy gravity?” But of course,I had a different perception. I was more curious of , “Why did he stop running?He was doing great the first few metres, why didn’t he keep a good thing going?”
Speaking of cartoons,who here does not feel bad for Wile. E. Coyote?
Where have all the kickass cartoons gone? Where are The Thundercats, He-Man, Beast Wars,Ultramen, Transformers, etc etc? We had like, gigantic robots battling evil,giant spacemen killing monsters and now, we have PowerPuff Girls and Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
Has anyone found out who let the dogs out? It’s been more than 5 years man!
Seriously, where are the hovercars ? Are we that behind in technology? How come we can send like, huge rockets across space to the Moon and Mars, but we can’t make relatively tiny cars jet around in our own atmosphere?See, when I phrase it like that, it sounds absurd that we don’t have Proton Angin, or Honda Sky, or Toyota Cloud right?
When I was young I used to fantasize about flying, as in Superman-style. But here’s the thing,if I were to somehow be granted the power of flight, I will only be able to enjoy it if NO ONE ELSE can fly like me.
And when normal people fantasize about flying, its about freedom, soaring in the skies, flirting with the clouds. But when I fantasize about flying, my thought process goes along the lines of : -
“Phew, save money on petrol man!”
“ If I have super strength, I can fly people around and boy, will AirAsia be
pissed!”
*using a megaphone* “Citizens of KL! I CAN SEE YOUR CLEAVAGE!”
“If I have super strength, I will fly to a random toll plaza on the highways and right before the cars reach the toll, I shall carry them, fly up, and transport them to the other side, just to piss Samy Vellu off”
“Oh no, bladder’s full. Nevermind, I shall sprinkle all over the ocean!”
*At a nearby playground* “ Hey kids want to play kejar-kejar?You kejar me okay?
*At a condominium* ( which I don’t even live in) “Aiyoh, lift break down again ah.? This is very inconvenient lah. Oh well, see you all later!” *fly up,slowly*
*At a court trial for alleged trespassing* “ But Your Honour, I swear that I did not step foot on her property while she was swimming in her pool with her bunch of girlfriends!”
*While suspended 20 feet in mid-air, looking downwards* “ Oi, you want to fight is it?Come lar, fight like a man, c’mon what you waiting for?”
“Wow, that’s a lot lah you’re paying for your flight to Ipoh.Too expensive.I wouldn’t waste my money like that.Okay, see you bro” *fly off,slowly*
And now, this segment shall randomly end.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Online Profiles
Many of us these days have an online profile. You know, those little things you put up on Friendster, Facebook or the likes, telling the world how superbly unique you are by doing exactly what a billion other people are doing.
What I wanna discuss today are the subtle and sneaky ways people have started to use online profiles. Have you ever seen a profile where the user, usually a female and a good-looking one at that, deliberately puts up a photo of herself alongside her trusty female sidekick, who happens to be unfortunate enough to be uglier than the user. And the Good Looking One captions her photo as : ‘ Me and my cute/pretty/gorgeous friend!’
My first thought upon encountering such a profile was , ‘Wow she is HOT!”. After the initial awe had died down, and I had cleaned myself up, I then began to observe The Hot One’s friend.“Wow she is UGLY”. And it’s not like I have anything personal towards the Ugly Duckling, as I myself possess the physical attractiveness and sexual magnetism of a collection of haemorrhoids, but the relative comparison of the two just makes matters worse for the poor gal. I mean, the hot one looks THAT much hotter when placed next to the her ugly companion, who looks THAT much worse. It’s like comparing body fat percentage between me and a pen, and then saying ,’Oh Jason, you are so slim!”
That is just self promotion at its sneakiest. Even Pepsi and Coca Cola wouldn’t do that. The best either company would do is just say “Here is our drink, it is the best in the world”. In all fairness, I suppose one can’t really say , “I am the best looking gal in my group of friends”, as that will produce a catfight even World War 2 veterans would fear to interfere, but still, how dare she?How dare she be so superficial and heartless?
And the caption in itself is the most devilish and cruel of all. By referring to her ugly friend as ‘gorgeous’ , and herself who is good looking as just ‘Me’, that is just rubbing salt, pepper, paprika, and industrial strength hydrochloric acid into an already festering wound. Just for the record, such a thing won’t happen to boys, as an act like that will be described as “Totally Gay’ and that message will be conveyed to the perpetrator of so heinous an act through the medium of fists to his face and knees to his testicular region. And who’s to say industrial strength hydrochloric acid won’t be involved at all?
And what about those really really self absorbed individuals who take a picture of just their face, but THEY ARE NOT LOOKING AT THE CAMERA. Instead, they are staring wistfully into space, showing thoughtful and endearing emotions. How much of a poser can you be? Can you imagine how insulted the person holding the camera is? The person being photographed isn’t even paying attention to the photographer! “What is so interesting to the left of your visual field that you aren’t even looking at me, the loser who agreed to photograph you? Shall I photograph that instead?”
Then it gets worse. Not content with just ONE photo of themselves as their profile photo, some individuals take like, 50 photos of JUST THEIR FACES and then assemble them into a collage of some sort.So now, when you click on their profiles, you are treated to like a million different camera angles of their nostrils, eyebrows, facial hair, pimples, freckles etc etc. It’s like they are trying to convince you , “Look, it’s really me okay?” in case you get confused with someone else who coincidentally share their name AND their facial features.
I once had a female friend named Joanne Low Yan Lee who for her sake of privacy we shall refer to as Miss X who had been going on and on for months about this friend of her friend’s who is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous, with smooth skin, anime-like hair and that dangerous, bad boy look about him. Of course, she had only saw him online on his Friendster profile and the only thing she knew about him was through his testimonials, many from girls who described him as “leng chai”, ”sexy man”, ”bootlicious”, etc etc, all bordering on the pornographic.
When they finally met at a gathering at Starbucks, Miss X nearly puked her coffee via her nostrils.The cruel irony was that this particular dude, whom I shall refer to as Mr. X instead of Justin Teoh Boon Chuan, had the complexion and skin texture of a rotten pineapple. His bad boy demeanour came from several years of evading the law while selling highly illegal yet very much sought after pirated porn VCDs. All his female ‘friends’ referred to him as ‘the sexy one’ out of sarcasm and out of the fact that every single one of them had rejected his advances.
After her coughs and sputters, suddenly Miss X began laughing. I felt a bit disturbed, as clearly this was a bit rude. Mr. X was after all, a stranger she had just met. I reprimanded her for her superficiality. She then apologized and clarified, “It’s just so bloody funny ‘cause he’s actually better looking than you!”. On a totally unrelated subject, Miss X is from house number 12, SS 4C, Kelana Jaya and has a nose the size of Nigeria.
Online profiles do have their perks. But some people overdo it. Have you heard of people who have like, multiple Friendster accounts, and like, a megazillion blogs, each one detailing their personal life by the second? I mean, how many friends can one have? I have seen a few people on Friendster who each have like a total combined number of friends in the thousands. In my opinion, if you have more than a 100 friends, you are a celebrity and no longer need an online profile. Just stick to about 50 or so, and pass the rest to me.
The other day I went to London to visit my friend, Selina Sharmalar Solomon of Biomedical Engineering at Imperial College, UK (not her real name, course or college). The politically correct term to describe her is “Facebook Whore”, and I feel that it has taken over her life. The moment I met her for the first time in a long while, she immediately exclaimed, “OH MY GAWSH, I have not seen you for so long…on Facebook”. I replied that Facebook didn’t appeal to me, and she replied with the most dangerous sentence in all of Womankind - ”Oh”- in a tone that suggested that I had defecated on her bed. To fill in the awkward silence that followed, I decided to ask her about the virtues of Facebook : -
“See see, it’s so cool, you can write on your friends’ wall! And you can also check ‘wall to wall’ and see what others have replied to each other’s wall! Cool right? Faster go write something on my wall!” And if you look at your friends’ photos, you can move your mouse over their faces and their NAMES WILL APPEAR! Cool right? And if you CLICK on their face, you can immediately see their profile! Cool right? And look look, you can give gifts to your friends! *moves mouse pointer over a Teddy Bear icon the size of a thumbnail*. If you click here, your friend will receive the gift! Cool right? And if you want someone’s attention, you can poke that person! Cool right? See, this fella has poked me. So I will poke him back. I tell you, I have been poked by him and his friends for like, 50 times last week. I better go mention that on his wall. Cool right?
We should try to do other stuff besides online profiling. Go out. Talk to an actual living, breathing PERSON. Gossip. Bathe. Fantasize about the opposite sex. Do something you can be proud of. Many years from now, will you tell your grandkids, ”Hey, when I was your age, I had an awesome online profile”? Or when you are lying on your deathbed, you ain’t gonna say , “Damn, I wish I jazzed up my HTML on my Friendster account”. If you got that last joke, you NEED TO GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE.
So start living life outside of cyberspace more often. But whatever you do, stay true to yourself, don’t be a hypocrite and do come back to this blog often!
What I wanna discuss today are the subtle and sneaky ways people have started to use online profiles. Have you ever seen a profile where the user, usually a female and a good-looking one at that, deliberately puts up a photo of herself alongside her trusty female sidekick, who happens to be unfortunate enough to be uglier than the user. And the Good Looking One captions her photo as : ‘ Me and my cute/pretty/gorgeous friend!’
My first thought upon encountering such a profile was , ‘Wow she is HOT!”. After the initial awe had died down, and I had cleaned myself up, I then began to observe The Hot One’s friend.“Wow she is UGLY”. And it’s not like I have anything personal towards the Ugly Duckling, as I myself possess the physical attractiveness and sexual magnetism of a collection of haemorrhoids, but the relative comparison of the two just makes matters worse for the poor gal. I mean, the hot one looks THAT much hotter when placed next to the her ugly companion, who looks THAT much worse. It’s like comparing body fat percentage between me and a pen, and then saying ,’Oh Jason, you are so slim!”
That is just self promotion at its sneakiest. Even Pepsi and Coca Cola wouldn’t do that. The best either company would do is just say “Here is our drink, it is the best in the world”. In all fairness, I suppose one can’t really say , “I am the best looking gal in my group of friends”, as that will produce a catfight even World War 2 veterans would fear to interfere, but still, how dare she?How dare she be so superficial and heartless?
And the caption in itself is the most devilish and cruel of all. By referring to her ugly friend as ‘gorgeous’ , and herself who is good looking as just ‘Me’, that is just rubbing salt, pepper, paprika, and industrial strength hydrochloric acid into an already festering wound. Just for the record, such a thing won’t happen to boys, as an act like that will be described as “Totally Gay’ and that message will be conveyed to the perpetrator of so heinous an act through the medium of fists to his face and knees to his testicular region. And who’s to say industrial strength hydrochloric acid won’t be involved at all?
And what about those really really self absorbed individuals who take a picture of just their face, but THEY ARE NOT LOOKING AT THE CAMERA. Instead, they are staring wistfully into space, showing thoughtful and endearing emotions. How much of a poser can you be? Can you imagine how insulted the person holding the camera is? The person being photographed isn’t even paying attention to the photographer! “What is so interesting to the left of your visual field that you aren’t even looking at me, the loser who agreed to photograph you? Shall I photograph that instead?”
Then it gets worse. Not content with just ONE photo of themselves as their profile photo, some individuals take like, 50 photos of JUST THEIR FACES and then assemble them into a collage of some sort.So now, when you click on their profiles, you are treated to like a million different camera angles of their nostrils, eyebrows, facial hair, pimples, freckles etc etc. It’s like they are trying to convince you , “Look, it’s really me okay?” in case you get confused with someone else who coincidentally share their name AND their facial features.
I once had a female friend named Joanne Low Yan Lee who for her sake of privacy we shall refer to as Miss X who had been going on and on for months about this friend of her friend’s who is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous, with smooth skin, anime-like hair and that dangerous, bad boy look about him. Of course, she had only saw him online on his Friendster profile and the only thing she knew about him was through his testimonials, many from girls who described him as “leng chai”, ”sexy man”, ”bootlicious”, etc etc, all bordering on the pornographic.
When they finally met at a gathering at Starbucks, Miss X nearly puked her coffee via her nostrils.The cruel irony was that this particular dude, whom I shall refer to as Mr. X instead of Justin Teoh Boon Chuan, had the complexion and skin texture of a rotten pineapple. His bad boy demeanour came from several years of evading the law while selling highly illegal yet very much sought after pirated porn VCDs. All his female ‘friends’ referred to him as ‘the sexy one’ out of sarcasm and out of the fact that every single one of them had rejected his advances.
After her coughs and sputters, suddenly Miss X began laughing. I felt a bit disturbed, as clearly this was a bit rude. Mr. X was after all, a stranger she had just met. I reprimanded her for her superficiality. She then apologized and clarified, “It’s just so bloody funny ‘cause he’s actually better looking than you!”. On a totally unrelated subject, Miss X is from house number 12, SS 4C, Kelana Jaya and has a nose the size of Nigeria.
Online profiles do have their perks. But some people overdo it. Have you heard of people who have like, multiple Friendster accounts, and like, a megazillion blogs, each one detailing their personal life by the second? I mean, how many friends can one have? I have seen a few people on Friendster who each have like a total combined number of friends in the thousands. In my opinion, if you have more than a 100 friends, you are a celebrity and no longer need an online profile. Just stick to about 50 or so, and pass the rest to me.
The other day I went to London to visit my friend, Selina Sharmalar Solomon of Biomedical Engineering at Imperial College, UK (not her real name, course or college). The politically correct term to describe her is “Facebook Whore”, and I feel that it has taken over her life. The moment I met her for the first time in a long while, she immediately exclaimed, “OH MY GAWSH, I have not seen you for so long…on Facebook”. I replied that Facebook didn’t appeal to me, and she replied with the most dangerous sentence in all of Womankind - ”Oh”- in a tone that suggested that I had defecated on her bed. To fill in the awkward silence that followed, I decided to ask her about the virtues of Facebook : -
“See see, it’s so cool, you can write on your friends’ wall! And you can also check ‘wall to wall’ and see what others have replied to each other’s wall! Cool right? Faster go write something on my wall!” And if you look at your friends’ photos, you can move your mouse over their faces and their NAMES WILL APPEAR! Cool right? And if you CLICK on their face, you can immediately see their profile! Cool right? And look look, you can give gifts to your friends! *moves mouse pointer over a Teddy Bear icon the size of a thumbnail*. If you click here, your friend will receive the gift! Cool right? And if you want someone’s attention, you can poke that person! Cool right? See, this fella has poked me. So I will poke him back. I tell you, I have been poked by him and his friends for like, 50 times last week. I better go mention that on his wall. Cool right?
We should try to do other stuff besides online profiling. Go out. Talk to an actual living, breathing PERSON. Gossip. Bathe. Fantasize about the opposite sex. Do something you can be proud of. Many years from now, will you tell your grandkids, ”Hey, when I was your age, I had an awesome online profile”? Or when you are lying on your deathbed, you ain’t gonna say , “Damn, I wish I jazzed up my HTML on my Friendster account”. If you got that last joke, you NEED TO GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE.
So start living life outside of cyberspace more often. But whatever you do, stay true to yourself, don’t be a hypocrite and do come back to this blog often!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Thanks for the support!
Dear fans,
I have just returned from PJ yesterday after collecting my first batch of books to be sold to my classmates at Penang Medical College.Demand has been good, there were 57 confirmed orders, and more are buying!Many thanks to all those who have already bought the book,I am very excited thinking of you guys reading the book as I am typing this.
Also, note of thanks to Leowania,my editor and Cassy from the Marketing Dept. and my Dad who made it possible for me to get the books to Penang Medical College.
Cheers everyone and happy reading!
More posts to come on this blog!
-Jason Leong, author of The Twisted Stethoscope.
I have just returned from PJ yesterday after collecting my first batch of books to be sold to my classmates at Penang Medical College.Demand has been good, there were 57 confirmed orders, and more are buying!Many thanks to all those who have already bought the book,I am very excited thinking of you guys reading the book as I am typing this.
Also, note of thanks to Leowania,my editor and Cassy from the Marketing Dept. and my Dad who made it possible for me to get the books to Penang Medical College.
Cheers everyone and happy reading!
More posts to come on this blog!
-Jason Leong, author of The Twisted Stethoscope.
Piracy to Porn
Every year seems to be Visit Malaysia Year.2008 seems to be no different.Malaysia has always been dependent on tourism as a vibrant component in our economy.In direct correlation to its importance is the efforts by our Government to promote Malaysia as key tourist destination.
While their efforts are certainly commendable, I feel that there is area for improvement. I say this because we have not tapped in the true marketing potential of Malaysia. For instance, why do we not promote the fact that Malaysia has the biggest thriving piracy industry in the world? Every year, piracy saves millions of consumers millions of ringgit by providing a cheap and readily available alternative to entertainment, be it Hollywood movies, or the latest Sony Playstation game. Thus with the money saved, Malaysian consumers have more buying power for their ringgit, and this in turn will boost the flow of ringgit within the nation and strengthen the ringgit.
Let’s not be secretive of the obvious fact that tourists stand to benefit from piracy. An original DVD in a country like Ireland, for example will cost roughly 20 Euros, which after conversion is equivalent to about RM 92.The apek who has bad breath and wears a gold chain with a dragon-shaped pendant at Sungai Wang Plaza sells the pirated versions of the same DVD containing the exact same content at the exact same quality for RM 15,and sometimes RM10 if you bargain well and wear a spaghetti strap. This means that the Irish person can potentially buy 8 more DVDs for the same amount of money back in Ireland. If you are a pampered rich momma’s boy and don’t understand the implication, this means that the foreign consumer will save. A. Lot. Of. Money.
Since piracy is already a huge problem which doesn’t seem to be solved soon, I say let’s make the most out of it and exploit the opportunity for improving our tourism industry. As they say, the Chinese have the same word for ‘crisis’ and ‘opportunity to make money’. My vision for the future is seeing tourists shipping back huge containers of pirated stuff back to their country and starting their own business there. Think about it. Not only will this also increase business for our local shipping companies but all peripheral industries like CD and DVD manufacturers as well as companies who produce digital-copying hardware and software will stand to gain from this and thus increasing also the government’s revenue through tax. It’s WIN-WIN! Think about it,open your minds!
For many years now, the government has tried to track down the hidden warehouses and clandestine factories which produce thousands upon thousands of pirated software and entertainment media. While the efforts of the police are commendable,I think we are overlooking a very obvious fact. Have you ever thought of the technology these pirates have in their hands? Let’s ponder about it for a moment. There are multinational conglomerates worth billions of dollars which manufacture their product, be it a CD album or a DVD movie, and sell them at high prices which though affordable by the average consumer, is greatly annoying. What does this mean?
This means that the technology that they use to manufacture their product gives rise to such high costs that they have to sell at high prices in order to make a profit. But wait a minute, what about the pirates in Malaysia? They sell their products at absurdly low prices. For instance ,an original CD album will cost around RM 30 to RM 40.But a pirated one only costs RM 5 to RM 10!If you follow closely, this means that the pirates, through their R & D department have come up with a way to produce CDs at a much lower cost ,thus enabling them to sell at low prices and effectively compete with the international conglomerates.
It is so obvious and yet we have missed it all this while! So, my proposal is this. Instead of cracking down their operation and arresting them, let’s have an open dialogue and sign an agreement with them which will result in the government gaining the secrets of their technology in exchange for freedom to conduct their operations. Once we do that, we immediately obtain an international patent and then market the technology internationally. What will result? Obviously international brands will flock to purchase our patent because it lowers their costs. This means that whatever they choose to produce and sell using our technology, we stand to gain a profit from it! I am not much of a businessman, but realistically, if we earn 1% of every CD sold by a recording label like EMI or from every game sold by Sony, taking into account that they earn BILLIONS per annum, by the end of the fiscal year, we will be flying around in our private jets because the tyres in our Ferraris are flattened from ferrying our rich fat butts from sauna to sauna.T he opportunity is there, let’s go for it.
If we follow through with the above plan,then it also makes sense to legalize piracy. This will mean that those interested in selling pirated media will have to register their business as a legitimate one. Any fool will rather be legitimate and pay a one time nominal registration fee than running away from the authorities all his career Again, the government will gain through taxation from the income of those businesses.
Another problem which I wish to address is porn, a taboo of our society. Pornographic material is now available everywhere and too readily so, if I may add. As a society,we cannot stop the influx of pornographic material in our black markets ,for that is too big a logistical problem. The Internet is being perceived these days as an information superhighway but in reality,it is a superhighway of porn.
However, we can subtly change the perception of porn in its’ consumers, mainly men and a minority of very liberal women. Before I go further, let’s review a famous psychological experiment done by a dude name Pavlov.
For the unfamiliar,Pavlov conducted an experiment which involved conditioning a dog to salivate at the sound of a bell.This he did by sounding a bell near the dog every time before he fed it..This Pavlov continued many times over. After an extended period of similar repetitions, the dog became ‘conditioned’ to salivate whenever he heard the bell, and whether or not food followed thereafter was of no consequence to the initial salivation.
So how do we use the phenomenon of conditioning to our favour? First let us ponder for a moment our education system. Have you ever felt like just dozing off, falling into a coma or dying when you were in a classroom or lecture theatre and your teacher or lecturer was, with all due respect,as boring as trying to watch a baby worm grow to adulthood? I mean sure, he could be a brilliant academician who writes textbooks and research papers on his subject of teaching, but there is not just a line between a brilliant person and a good instructor ,there is an entire Great Wall of China with armed sentries every hundred feet.
I had a teacher once who had a voice so monotonous you could record it and sell it as a cure for insomnia and you would be a billionaire by tomorrow. There was absolutely NO DIFFERENCE in her tone. Whether giving an instruction or giving birth, she sounded exactly the same. You could drink an entire gallon of coffee and shoot yourself with amphetamines that morning, the moment you sat through half an hour of periodical tables and chemical equations with her ,you would be half dead. She was so bad, she could bore an unwanted foetus to self-abort .There was no subject on earth that she could make interesting. Not even porn.
Aha, you see where I am going now. In order to psychologically condition men of porn, why don’t we get boring teachers like her to star in porn movies which will absolutely bore men to deat….whoa..wait wait..let me backtrack here. Sorry about that.
Aha, you see where I am going now. In order to psychologically condition men of porn, why don’t we get boring teachers like her to teach the subject of Sex Education and Pornography ( SEP) to boys at an early age? Teachers will be encouraged to use as many visual and multimedia aids as possible to enhance the conditioning effect. After 12 years of school learning various facts, figures, graphs, equations and writing essays, answering multiple-choice-questions in pornography exams, men will come to regard porn the same way many regard the subjects they were taught at school. A forgotten, tiresome, pointless and obsolete subject, like Add Maths and Moral Studies. A subject that is connected to the memories of fighting hard not to fall asleep and of watching pictures of naked ladies through heavy eyelids and tears of boredom. The result is of course,men being conditioned to immediately spurn pornography for after years and years of laborious repetitions of pointless exams and criminally boring teachers, they become bored of pornography. Success!
I will like to end my article here with a disclaimer : This has been for entertainment and comedy purposes only.I do not for a single moment support piracy. To prove this, I will set up a website promoting anti-piracy propaganda. The website will be filled with awesome effects and HTML produced by software I bought from Imbi Plaza. I also do not support pornography, and have endeavoured to stem the influence of such materials by confiscating all my friends’ stashes of porn and safekeeping them in my house.
Okay seriously, I do not support piracy. Belilah Ori. Buy Original. And as for porn, let’s be grown up and avoid it, for it demeans women. And I have a girlfriend .I love you Komella! But I do want to point out that although this article has been produced just for my own personal amusement and largely composed of words and sentences shooting out from my arse, I have one question for you.
Isn’t it scary that it actually makes some sense?
While their efforts are certainly commendable, I feel that there is area for improvement. I say this because we have not tapped in the true marketing potential of Malaysia. For instance, why do we not promote the fact that Malaysia has the biggest thriving piracy industry in the world? Every year, piracy saves millions of consumers millions of ringgit by providing a cheap and readily available alternative to entertainment, be it Hollywood movies, or the latest Sony Playstation game. Thus with the money saved, Malaysian consumers have more buying power for their ringgit, and this in turn will boost the flow of ringgit within the nation and strengthen the ringgit.
Let’s not be secretive of the obvious fact that tourists stand to benefit from piracy. An original DVD in a country like Ireland, for example will cost roughly 20 Euros, which after conversion is equivalent to about RM 92.The apek who has bad breath and wears a gold chain with a dragon-shaped pendant at Sungai Wang Plaza sells the pirated versions of the same DVD containing the exact same content at the exact same quality for RM 15,and sometimes RM10 if you bargain well and wear a spaghetti strap. This means that the Irish person can potentially buy 8 more DVDs for the same amount of money back in Ireland. If you are a pampered rich momma’s boy and don’t understand the implication, this means that the foreign consumer will save. A. Lot. Of. Money.
Since piracy is already a huge problem which doesn’t seem to be solved soon, I say let’s make the most out of it and exploit the opportunity for improving our tourism industry. As they say, the Chinese have the same word for ‘crisis’ and ‘opportunity to make money’. My vision for the future is seeing tourists shipping back huge containers of pirated stuff back to their country and starting their own business there. Think about it. Not only will this also increase business for our local shipping companies but all peripheral industries like CD and DVD manufacturers as well as companies who produce digital-copying hardware and software will stand to gain from this and thus increasing also the government’s revenue through tax. It’s WIN-WIN! Think about it,open your minds!
For many years now, the government has tried to track down the hidden warehouses and clandestine factories which produce thousands upon thousands of pirated software and entertainment media. While the efforts of the police are commendable,I think we are overlooking a very obvious fact. Have you ever thought of the technology these pirates have in their hands? Let’s ponder about it for a moment. There are multinational conglomerates worth billions of dollars which manufacture their product, be it a CD album or a DVD movie, and sell them at high prices which though affordable by the average consumer, is greatly annoying. What does this mean?
This means that the technology that they use to manufacture their product gives rise to such high costs that they have to sell at high prices in order to make a profit. But wait a minute, what about the pirates in Malaysia? They sell their products at absurdly low prices. For instance ,an original CD album will cost around RM 30 to RM 40.But a pirated one only costs RM 5 to RM 10!If you follow closely, this means that the pirates, through their R & D department have come up with a way to produce CDs at a much lower cost ,thus enabling them to sell at low prices and effectively compete with the international conglomerates.
It is so obvious and yet we have missed it all this while! So, my proposal is this. Instead of cracking down their operation and arresting them, let’s have an open dialogue and sign an agreement with them which will result in the government gaining the secrets of their technology in exchange for freedom to conduct their operations. Once we do that, we immediately obtain an international patent and then market the technology internationally. What will result? Obviously international brands will flock to purchase our patent because it lowers their costs. This means that whatever they choose to produce and sell using our technology, we stand to gain a profit from it! I am not much of a businessman, but realistically, if we earn 1% of every CD sold by a recording label like EMI or from every game sold by Sony, taking into account that they earn BILLIONS per annum, by the end of the fiscal year, we will be flying around in our private jets because the tyres in our Ferraris are flattened from ferrying our rich fat butts from sauna to sauna.T he opportunity is there, let’s go for it.
If we follow through with the above plan,then it also makes sense to legalize piracy. This will mean that those interested in selling pirated media will have to register their business as a legitimate one. Any fool will rather be legitimate and pay a one time nominal registration fee than running away from the authorities all his career Again, the government will gain through taxation from the income of those businesses.
Another problem which I wish to address is porn, a taboo of our society. Pornographic material is now available everywhere and too readily so, if I may add. As a society,we cannot stop the influx of pornographic material in our black markets ,for that is too big a logistical problem. The Internet is being perceived these days as an information superhighway but in reality,it is a superhighway of porn.
However, we can subtly change the perception of porn in its’ consumers, mainly men and a minority of very liberal women. Before I go further, let’s review a famous psychological experiment done by a dude name Pavlov.
For the unfamiliar,Pavlov conducted an experiment which involved conditioning a dog to salivate at the sound of a bell.This he did by sounding a bell near the dog every time before he fed it..This Pavlov continued many times over. After an extended period of similar repetitions, the dog became ‘conditioned’ to salivate whenever he heard the bell, and whether or not food followed thereafter was of no consequence to the initial salivation.
So how do we use the phenomenon of conditioning to our favour? First let us ponder for a moment our education system. Have you ever felt like just dozing off, falling into a coma or dying when you were in a classroom or lecture theatre and your teacher or lecturer was, with all due respect,as boring as trying to watch a baby worm grow to adulthood? I mean sure, he could be a brilliant academician who writes textbooks and research papers on his subject of teaching, but there is not just a line between a brilliant person and a good instructor ,there is an entire Great Wall of China with armed sentries every hundred feet.
I had a teacher once who had a voice so monotonous you could record it and sell it as a cure for insomnia and you would be a billionaire by tomorrow. There was absolutely NO DIFFERENCE in her tone. Whether giving an instruction or giving birth, she sounded exactly the same. You could drink an entire gallon of coffee and shoot yourself with amphetamines that morning, the moment you sat through half an hour of periodical tables and chemical equations with her ,you would be half dead. She was so bad, she could bore an unwanted foetus to self-abort .There was no subject on earth that she could make interesting. Not even porn.
Aha, you see where I am going now. In order to psychologically condition men of porn, why don’t we get boring teachers like her to star in porn movies which will absolutely bore men to deat….whoa..wait wait..let me backtrack here. Sorry about that.
Aha, you see where I am going now. In order to psychologically condition men of porn, why don’t we get boring teachers like her to teach the subject of Sex Education and Pornography ( SEP) to boys at an early age? Teachers will be encouraged to use as many visual and multimedia aids as possible to enhance the conditioning effect. After 12 years of school learning various facts, figures, graphs, equations and writing essays, answering multiple-choice-questions in pornography exams, men will come to regard porn the same way many regard the subjects they were taught at school. A forgotten, tiresome, pointless and obsolete subject, like Add Maths and Moral Studies. A subject that is connected to the memories of fighting hard not to fall asleep and of watching pictures of naked ladies through heavy eyelids and tears of boredom. The result is of course,men being conditioned to immediately spurn pornography for after years and years of laborious repetitions of pointless exams and criminally boring teachers, they become bored of pornography. Success!
I will like to end my article here with a disclaimer : This has been for entertainment and comedy purposes only.I do not for a single moment support piracy. To prove this, I will set up a website promoting anti-piracy propaganda. The website will be filled with awesome effects and HTML produced by software I bought from Imbi Plaza. I also do not support pornography, and have endeavoured to stem the influence of such materials by confiscating all my friends’ stashes of porn and safekeeping them in my house.
Okay seriously, I do not support piracy. Belilah Ori. Buy Original. And as for porn, let’s be grown up and avoid it, for it demeans women. And I have a girlfriend .I love you Komella! But I do want to point out that although this article has been produced just for my own personal amusement and largely composed of words and sentences shooting out from my arse, I have one question for you.
Isn’t it scary that it actually makes some sense?
Friday, May 9, 2008
Many many thanks to my blog idol, Kenny Sia!
Thanks so much, bro!
For mentioning my book on your blog, it's an honour!
Hail to www.kennysia.com
For mentioning my book on your blog, it's an honour!
Hail to www.kennysia.com
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