My biology teacher once said that humans need three things to survive : Food, water and oxygen. I think she was sorely mistaken. Malaysian humans need to do 5 things to survive
1) Eat
2) Breathe
3) Drink water
4) Buy a handphone
5) Not to complain.
Nowadays, it seems that everyone is blaming the politicians for screwing us out of a better deal for us. But what about us? Do we let ourselves continuously get cheated out of a better deal for ourselves?
And really, are the politicians the only ones that are cheating us? When was the last time you went to a mamak stall or a hawker stall and got served a ‘drink’ which consists solely of 100% ice cubes and a few atoms of Milo ais? Have you seen the proprietors of said premises preparing drinks? The steps include : -
1) Jamming chipped ice into a cup
2) Then, when no more ice can be jammed in, they then jam MORE ice into it, bending the laws of physics.
3) Serve the drink, hoping that the patrons won’t notice the difference.
Upon slurping such drinks, what do we do next? Do we complain, or do we suck it up (quite literally) ,lest they put cockroaches into our food? More importantly, the following week, when we need a drink, what do we do? We return to the SAME mamak/hawker stall, order the SAME Milo ais, and again, we DON’T COMPLAIN. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Or how about our handphone credit? For years now, we have been taken to a dark alley, blindfolded and gagged while our wallets are being stolen, in a matter of speaking when it comes to our handphone service providers. The most blatant daylight robbery is with regards to Maxis’s prepaid plan. When you purchase RM 30 worth of credit, you are only allowed to use that RM 30 WITHIN A MONTH. After a month, you have to buy ANOTHER RM 30.
Now, let’s ask this fundamental question. I have already subscribed to Maxis, shouldn’t what I do with the credit be left entirely up to me? What if I wanted to buy RM 30 of credit to last me an entire year, because my social life is so abysmal that I don’t have anyone to call anyway? But no, every month I have to top up, in case an emergency happens, like being stuck in a toilet with no tissue paper.As of now, I have RM 1240 worth of accumulated credit which lies sullen and underused in my SIM card. Sometimes, feeling sorry for my credit, I use them to call random people and ask, “ What’s the happiest burger?”.
If you listen very closely, on a calm, still night, you can almost hear the powers that be who get away with all their sins laughing their way to blissful sleep.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
I'm backkkkk!
Dear friends,
I am BACK, and ready for more posts!!!
Cheers, and do enjoy the new slideshow I am about to put up!!
-The Man
I am BACK, and ready for more posts!!!
Cheers, and do enjoy the new slideshow I am about to put up!!
-The Man
Religion
People have begun to question not just the existence of God, but by extension the necessity of religion. I believe that people questioning God and religion is important, because the best way to attach credibility to any subject is to attack and debate about it. True? We don’t hear about people attacking and debating about things that are unnecessary, about things that absolutely do not matter in your life. Like for example, the cost of your own funeral, or whether which is better, Maxis or Digi?
But religion, aha, that’s a good subject to talk about. You see, I believe that there is a higher power that we will never understand. I also believe that God is great, and that there are many paths to Him. You see, He has different marketing strategies for different types of people. Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, etc etc. It all leads to the same thing.
The thing about God is though, is that I believe as an almighty being, he is able to take *some* healthy constructive criticism. And although many people believe God has many faults, I would like to touch on one particular weakness of His.
He doesn’t seem to be able to manage money very well.
He always needs money! How come as an omnipotent, all-powerful being, He is always asking us for money? Can’t he produce some for himself, or at the very least, consult one of the top financial experts in the world, and ask for some advice? And why would He ask us? Aren’t we always asking HIM for money? It’s not a struggle of Good over Evil anymore, it has all boiled down to The Great Big Eternal Financial Transaction.
And nowadays, ladies and gentlemen, I notice a new religion emerging in our lives. One that doesn’t need much money.You have all heard about it, and even subscribe to this new religion, perhaps unknowingly of course. I call it Wood-ism. Have you ever seen the following scene : -
Guy A : I hope I will have enough money by the age of 40.
Guy B : Why 40?
Guy A : Because by that time, if I happen to die,or get some kind of cancer, touch wood –
Guy A touches something made of wood, perhaps a table
Guy A : at least my family is well taken care of, you know!
Guy B : Yalah, I also hope I don’t get cancer, or worse, bankrupt!
Guy B also touches the table.
Now this begs the question. What the hell is in wood, that has somehow convinced us it can prevent cancer or bankruptcy? And you know it’s not limited to just those two things. EVERYTHING can be prevented by touching wood. Failing exams? Touch wood. Dying in a car crash? Touch wood. Divorced? Touch wood. Getting sued or sacked? Touch wood. Afraid of getting a splinter? Well…maybe not that one.
What on earth is in wood? I know everyone says God is everywhere, but surely this is a little absurd? Number 1, why don’t we just say touch God and just randomly touch any object, since God is everywhere? And number 2, why wood? Why not, iron, or water, or just for kicks, fire? Hoping your house doesn’t burn down? On your stove and touch the flames. Then your house burning down will be the least of your worries.
What is the guarantee that this so called ‘wood’ will do its job? Let’s say,for argument’s sake, that someone says out loud he hopes he doesn’t get cancer, followed by uttering ‘ touch wood’ and then suiting the action to the word by touching something wooden. Then lets say 10 years later, at a clinic, the doctor says to him, “I am sorry sir, but you have cancer”.
“Cancer? Are you sure?”
“The tests are 100% conclusive. You have cancer.”
“Doc, I don’t think so. I am very confident I CANNOT get cancer”.
“How so?”
* leans forward* “ Well, don’t tell anyone this- “ * looks around for eavesdroppers*
“ - but ten years ago, I touched wood”.
The thing about Wood-ism is that it is so easy. Just touch it and your attempts at avoiding catastrophe is complete. Just touching. No need for prayer, worship, or dragging your buttocks to church, paying your weekly consultation fee, doing good, etc. It makes it seem that God’s application process seems a little too entangled with red tape compared to just touching wood.
What if it gets worse? What if real wood worship starts to really take off? What if fanatics start chaining themselves to trees to be “close to wood”, and start throwing hissy fits whenever people cut down trees to make essential things like paper for schoolkids to write their essays on and for the printing press to make newspapers, magazines and books for education? What if these overzealous people start organizations that champion the worship of wood, and attack companies that use wood to manufacture products for consumers, always pressuring them to plant more and more trees, so that the amount of wood that can be touched to prevent bad things from happening will be increased?
Well, if they do, then I suppose we can respect their opinions. But let’s hope it doesn’t get overboard.
Touch wood.
But religion, aha, that’s a good subject to talk about. You see, I believe that there is a higher power that we will never understand. I also believe that God is great, and that there are many paths to Him. You see, He has different marketing strategies for different types of people. Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, etc etc. It all leads to the same thing.
The thing about God is though, is that I believe as an almighty being, he is able to take *some* healthy constructive criticism. And although many people believe God has many faults, I would like to touch on one particular weakness of His.
He doesn’t seem to be able to manage money very well.
He always needs money! How come as an omnipotent, all-powerful being, He is always asking us for money? Can’t he produce some for himself, or at the very least, consult one of the top financial experts in the world, and ask for some advice? And why would He ask us? Aren’t we always asking HIM for money? It’s not a struggle of Good over Evil anymore, it has all boiled down to The Great Big Eternal Financial Transaction.
And nowadays, ladies and gentlemen, I notice a new religion emerging in our lives. One that doesn’t need much money.You have all heard about it, and even subscribe to this new religion, perhaps unknowingly of course. I call it Wood-ism. Have you ever seen the following scene : -
Guy A : I hope I will have enough money by the age of 40.
Guy B : Why 40?
Guy A : Because by that time, if I happen to die,or get some kind of cancer, touch wood –
Guy A touches something made of wood, perhaps a table
Guy A : at least my family is well taken care of, you know!
Guy B : Yalah, I also hope I don’t get cancer, or worse, bankrupt!
Guy B also touches the table.
Now this begs the question. What the hell is in wood, that has somehow convinced us it can prevent cancer or bankruptcy? And you know it’s not limited to just those two things. EVERYTHING can be prevented by touching wood. Failing exams? Touch wood. Dying in a car crash? Touch wood. Divorced? Touch wood. Getting sued or sacked? Touch wood. Afraid of getting a splinter? Well…maybe not that one.
What on earth is in wood? I know everyone says God is everywhere, but surely this is a little absurd? Number 1, why don’t we just say touch God and just randomly touch any object, since God is everywhere? And number 2, why wood? Why not, iron, or water, or just for kicks, fire? Hoping your house doesn’t burn down? On your stove and touch the flames. Then your house burning down will be the least of your worries.
What is the guarantee that this so called ‘wood’ will do its job? Let’s say,for argument’s sake, that someone says out loud he hopes he doesn’t get cancer, followed by uttering ‘ touch wood’ and then suiting the action to the word by touching something wooden. Then lets say 10 years later, at a clinic, the doctor says to him, “I am sorry sir, but you have cancer”.
“Cancer? Are you sure?”
“The tests are 100% conclusive. You have cancer.”
“Doc, I don’t think so. I am very confident I CANNOT get cancer”.
“How so?”
* leans forward* “ Well, don’t tell anyone this- “ * looks around for eavesdroppers*
“ - but ten years ago, I touched wood”.
The thing about Wood-ism is that it is so easy. Just touch it and your attempts at avoiding catastrophe is complete. Just touching. No need for prayer, worship, or dragging your buttocks to church, paying your weekly consultation fee, doing good, etc. It makes it seem that God’s application process seems a little too entangled with red tape compared to just touching wood.
What if it gets worse? What if real wood worship starts to really take off? What if fanatics start chaining themselves to trees to be “close to wood”, and start throwing hissy fits whenever people cut down trees to make essential things like paper for schoolkids to write their essays on and for the printing press to make newspapers, magazines and books for education? What if these overzealous people start organizations that champion the worship of wood, and attack companies that use wood to manufacture products for consumers, always pressuring them to plant more and more trees, so that the amount of wood that can be touched to prevent bad things from happening will be increased?
Well, if they do, then I suppose we can respect their opinions. But let’s hope it doesn’t get overboard.
Touch wood.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Reply to 'Feng Shui'
Every once in a while, someone intelligent posts something intelligent on this blog. Below is a response to my previous blog post on 'Feng Shui'. I appreciate the intelligent discussion that has sprung forth. Do check out TPM's comment : -
First of all, I have to admit that I do not fall head over heel with this belief in Feng Sui.I do not even practise feng sui, but I do listen and look at feng sui tips which sound and look logical to try out, in order to improve the environmental aspect.However,one must understand that feng sui is not merely about moving furnitures and facing the right direction. One must look at the esthetical and scientific aspect of Feng Sui.Feng Sui master will advise that furnitures are arranged in such a manner that will not obstruct the proper path of the house occupants.
I have seen countless arrangement of furnitures in homes which were placed hapzardly and caused inconvenience to walk through the house, sometime banging on table edges, slipping on floors, etc ....these bring bad luck to the occupants and guests alike. Occupants may be injured,cannot work and cause further misfortune to happen. Guests will shudder to visit again and friends will get lesser. All these in the name of bad feng sui if one may link it to feng sui!
Obviously people are homeless and have no furnitures to move because their lives have not been that successful or meaningful. A time will come when these homeless guys meet some generous souls and provide them with a decent living in a house, plus a job to boot, then they may realise the importance of furniture arrangement, and hopefully their lives may improve. These guys do not have to depend on Feng Sui but they may need the Feng Sui art of furniture arrangement to enhance their living environment!
Of course, if one were to invite these poor homeless souls into the house with good furniture arrangement, they may be lucky and prosperous for the moments they were there, at least.It may take me to write a few pages in answer to most of your examples but I may just reserve it for another day.
Before I pen off, "body of water" do not necessary means good luck all the time. Tsunami is definitely a bad omen.The dirty drain with filthy water flowing right in front of one's house is definitely not good for your health or sight or environment. Who wouldn't want a swimming pool in one's house if one can afford it? The kids may be very happy.However, if the swimming pool is left unkempt with stagnant water ( hey, that's bad chi la!), that probably will be a source for mosquitoes breeding and dengue fever.So, in feng Sui, there are bad chi and good chi. For me, bad chi is when bad luck occurs and good chi is when good luck occurs. Just look at it this way....I hope to be at Mid Valley on 26 Jul. May good chi befall on Jason.
Cheers TPM!
First of all, I have to admit that I do not fall head over heel with this belief in Feng Sui.I do not even practise feng sui, but I do listen and look at feng sui tips which sound and look logical to try out, in order to improve the environmental aspect.However,one must understand that feng sui is not merely about moving furnitures and facing the right direction. One must look at the esthetical and scientific aspect of Feng Sui.Feng Sui master will advise that furnitures are arranged in such a manner that will not obstruct the proper path of the house occupants.
I have seen countless arrangement of furnitures in homes which were placed hapzardly and caused inconvenience to walk through the house, sometime banging on table edges, slipping on floors, etc ....these bring bad luck to the occupants and guests alike. Occupants may be injured,cannot work and cause further misfortune to happen. Guests will shudder to visit again and friends will get lesser. All these in the name of bad feng sui if one may link it to feng sui!
Obviously people are homeless and have no furnitures to move because their lives have not been that successful or meaningful. A time will come when these homeless guys meet some generous souls and provide them with a decent living in a house, plus a job to boot, then they may realise the importance of furniture arrangement, and hopefully their lives may improve. These guys do not have to depend on Feng Sui but they may need the Feng Sui art of furniture arrangement to enhance their living environment!
Of course, if one were to invite these poor homeless souls into the house with good furniture arrangement, they may be lucky and prosperous for the moments they were there, at least.It may take me to write a few pages in answer to most of your examples but I may just reserve it for another day.
Before I pen off, "body of water" do not necessary means good luck all the time. Tsunami is definitely a bad omen.The dirty drain with filthy water flowing right in front of one's house is definitely not good for your health or sight or environment. Who wouldn't want a swimming pool in one's house if one can afford it? The kids may be very happy.However, if the swimming pool is left unkempt with stagnant water ( hey, that's bad chi la!), that probably will be a source for mosquitoes breeding and dengue fever.So, in feng Sui, there are bad chi and good chi. For me, bad chi is when bad luck occurs and good chi is when good luck occurs. Just look at it this way....I hope to be at Mid Valley on 26 Jul. May good chi befall on Jason.
Cheers TPM!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Exams,
Dear friends,
Exams are coming, so this blog will be dormant until next weekend.After that, I will be posting more articles. Some ideas are already swirling!
Cheers,
Jason
Exams are coming, so this blog will be dormant until next weekend.After that, I will be posting more articles. Some ideas are already swirling!
Cheers,
Jason
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Feng Shui
Another reason why I believe the Chinese will never become a powerful force in the world to be reckoned has something to do with Chinese belief and culture : -
Feng Shui
Now to the uninitiated, let me explain what is feng shui to you. Let me clarify that my explanation about the fundamentals of feng shui is entirely true, and not fabricated or exaggerated in anyway for the sake of being funny. At least until I say so. So the first paragraph that follows is entirely factual.
Feng shui is the belief that one can control one’s destiny by….wait for it….changing the arrangement of your furniture in your house. This means that interior designers and home decorators are effectively masters of the universe.Feng shui practitioners believe that we can harness qi ( or chi ) by moving our sofas and TV sets in such a way that when it flows through our house, we will be…well…pretty awesome in life.
So what is Qi? Qi is…and again, I kid you not.. energy that comes from the dragon’s breath.
There are many flaws with feng shui : -
Lets start with this whole furniture arrangement business. Does this mean that people with no homes cannot have access to this wonderful art of manipulating qi? Or can the flow of qi be manipulated by choosing the right pavement to sleep on, or the right type of SUV to crawl under to sleep at night? How will homeless people manipulate the flow of qi with no homes and no furniture?
But with the power of feng shui, I believe we can solve the problem of homelessness by :-
a) building a large house with all the furniture arranged properly in accordance to qi-manipulation protocol
b) every few days or so, we invite a homeless family to live in the pre-built house
c) we wait a few days, let them breathe in all the good qi flowing nicely through the house
d) suddenly, they will be showered with prosperity ,harmony and all the goodies that come with good flowing qi, and voila, they can now afford their own homes! Without even getting a job or working hard!
Another flaw with this theory is that…if we follow the logic of feng shui, this means that if your house has bad feng shui, this means you will have bad luck or bad health, or yadda yadda all that sort of jazz. Now, I am fairly certain people like Bill Gates, the Pope, Albert Einstein, Johnny Depp, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, George Bush, and a lot of other influential people of our history do not believe in feng shui and neither can they pronounce it properly. Yet, they seem to be doing quite well, don’t they? Or in some cases, like Princess Diana, they led pretty awesome lives. I mean, if we take feng shui as a means of wealth procurement, I am pretty sure a lot of wealthy people are doing fine without feng shui.
Then there’s this whole dragon breath business. Let me get this straight okay? Many people are not aware of this fact, particularly feng shui practitioners, so bring your face very close the screen when you read the following sentence : -
Dragons do not exist!!!!
Yes, that’s right. Dragons have been extinct for several decades now. Why? Because you know Chinese people, we eat everything that moves and even mighty dragons that fly and blow fire are no match for hungry Chinese people.
There are several feng shui tips posted on feng shui masters’ websites. Let’s look at a few, shall we?
Tip 1: Be on the lookout for bodies of water which often bring good luck
I don’t think the people who were near the bodies of water collectively known as the Killer Tsunami of 2004 will agree with this.
Tip 2: The best way to tap into the health benefits of Feng Shui is to discover the direction that is best in alignment with your best health luck according to the compass formula
No, the best way to become healthy is good diet, exercise and consult your doctor if you feel anything is wrong. If you smoke 20 cigarettes per day, sit in front of an X-ray machine and take hundreds of x-ray of your chest per day, drink nuclear waste with every meal and subsequently get lung cancer, I can almost guarantee you that the awesome feng shui of your house WILL NOT reverse your cancer.
Tips 3: Place a three legged toad in your living room near the front door for money luck.
Okay………
Tip 4 : Toilets are especially harmful, since this literally means flushing away all your marriage prospects. If you find you have a toilet placed in exactly the South-West corner of your home, and there is nothing you can do about it, then stop using this toilet altogether.
Because the best way to improve your marriage prospects is to leave faeces all over your house. The aroma of material that spent at least 2 hours in your bowels and bladder will act as a potent aphrodisiac, rendering your date or suitor unconscious, thus allowing you to do whatever you may please.
Tip 5 : Buy a indoor water fountain and place it in the south-west corner of your home, you will be amazed at the effect this can have on a relationship, or encourage a new one.
If you are not amazed by how fast the indoor water fountain can deplete your monthly savings via the water bill, you will definitely be amazed by how water-borne infections like dengue and malaria will improve your relationship.
Tip 6 ( with regards to feng shui in your work place) : If your staff always fall sick in that area, then use a metal wind chime made of 6 or 7 metal rods about 1ft long are the best as the sound of metal is the best Feng Shui cure
I think if your staff always fall sick, please send them to the doctor. A metal wind chime will not stop projectile vomiting or haemorrhoids.
Tip 7 : Crystal ball, apart from looking into future you can place on top of phone to encourage more business calls.
HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO PICK UP THE PHONE?!!!!!!
That’s all for today.
Feng Shui
Now to the uninitiated, let me explain what is feng shui to you. Let me clarify that my explanation about the fundamentals of feng shui is entirely true, and not fabricated or exaggerated in anyway for the sake of being funny. At least until I say so. So the first paragraph that follows is entirely factual.
Feng shui is the belief that one can control one’s destiny by….wait for it….changing the arrangement of your furniture in your house. This means that interior designers and home decorators are effectively masters of the universe.Feng shui practitioners believe that we can harness qi ( or chi ) by moving our sofas and TV sets in such a way that when it flows through our house, we will be…well…pretty awesome in life.
So what is Qi? Qi is…and again, I kid you not.. energy that comes from the dragon’s breath.
There are many flaws with feng shui : -
Lets start with this whole furniture arrangement business. Does this mean that people with no homes cannot have access to this wonderful art of manipulating qi? Or can the flow of qi be manipulated by choosing the right pavement to sleep on, or the right type of SUV to crawl under to sleep at night? How will homeless people manipulate the flow of qi with no homes and no furniture?
But with the power of feng shui, I believe we can solve the problem of homelessness by :-
a) building a large house with all the furniture arranged properly in accordance to qi-manipulation protocol
b) every few days or so, we invite a homeless family to live in the pre-built house
c) we wait a few days, let them breathe in all the good qi flowing nicely through the house
d) suddenly, they will be showered with prosperity ,harmony and all the goodies that come with good flowing qi, and voila, they can now afford their own homes! Without even getting a job or working hard!
Another flaw with this theory is that…if we follow the logic of feng shui, this means that if your house has bad feng shui, this means you will have bad luck or bad health, or yadda yadda all that sort of jazz. Now, I am fairly certain people like Bill Gates, the Pope, Albert Einstein, Johnny Depp, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, George Bush, and a lot of other influential people of our history do not believe in feng shui and neither can they pronounce it properly. Yet, they seem to be doing quite well, don’t they? Or in some cases, like Princess Diana, they led pretty awesome lives. I mean, if we take feng shui as a means of wealth procurement, I am pretty sure a lot of wealthy people are doing fine without feng shui.
Then there’s this whole dragon breath business. Let me get this straight okay? Many people are not aware of this fact, particularly feng shui practitioners, so bring your face very close the screen when you read the following sentence : -
Dragons do not exist!!!!
Yes, that’s right. Dragons have been extinct for several decades now. Why? Because you know Chinese people, we eat everything that moves and even mighty dragons that fly and blow fire are no match for hungry Chinese people.
There are several feng shui tips posted on feng shui masters’ websites. Let’s look at a few, shall we?
Tip 1: Be on the lookout for bodies of water which often bring good luck
I don’t think the people who were near the bodies of water collectively known as the Killer Tsunami of 2004 will agree with this.
Tip 2: The best way to tap into the health benefits of Feng Shui is to discover the direction that is best in alignment with your best health luck according to the compass formula
No, the best way to become healthy is good diet, exercise and consult your doctor if you feel anything is wrong. If you smoke 20 cigarettes per day, sit in front of an X-ray machine and take hundreds of x-ray of your chest per day, drink nuclear waste with every meal and subsequently get lung cancer, I can almost guarantee you that the awesome feng shui of your house WILL NOT reverse your cancer.
Tips 3: Place a three legged toad in your living room near the front door for money luck.
Okay………
Tip 4 : Toilets are especially harmful, since this literally means flushing away all your marriage prospects. If you find you have a toilet placed in exactly the South-West corner of your home, and there is nothing you can do about it, then stop using this toilet altogether.
Because the best way to improve your marriage prospects is to leave faeces all over your house. The aroma of material that spent at least 2 hours in your bowels and bladder will act as a potent aphrodisiac, rendering your date or suitor unconscious, thus allowing you to do whatever you may please.
Tip 5 : Buy a indoor water fountain and place it in the south-west corner of your home, you will be amazed at the effect this can have on a relationship, or encourage a new one.
If you are not amazed by how fast the indoor water fountain can deplete your monthly savings via the water bill, you will definitely be amazed by how water-borne infections like dengue and malaria will improve your relationship.
Tip 6 ( with regards to feng shui in your work place) : If your staff always fall sick in that area, then use a metal wind chime made of 6 or 7 metal rods about 1ft long are the best as the sound of metal is the best Feng Shui cure
I think if your staff always fall sick, please send them to the doctor. A metal wind chime will not stop projectile vomiting or haemorrhoids.
Tip 7 : Crystal ball, apart from looking into future you can place on top of phone to encourage more business calls.
HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO PICK UP THE PHONE?!!!!!!
That’s all for today.
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