Contradictions

Life is so very full of contradictions that it should come to all of our surprise that we do not observe them more often. Yet, they are there. The problem is that the pairs of observations that would make up contradictions are so obscure, so vastly set apart in our overall take on life that it is sometimes hard to put them together.

It was not too long ago that we used to hear of how China was having trouble with their dwindling panda bear population. Well, it still has that problem now, but what with Tibet and the 2008 Olympics looming ahead, that problem has receded to the background.

I remember the news broadcast. It was on ntv7 I think. There was a grim-faced Chinese spokesperson, wearing horn-rimmed glasses and pantsuit, staring off-camera at some figure, interviewer perhaps. She was speaking Mandarin in a deliberate tone, while subtitles appeared below her chest, describing in rather dramatic sentences how the panda bears were being poached for their meat, skin or whatever, and sold across the globe, and appealed for the international conscience to put a stop to this trend, lest the WWF lost a mascot and change their merchandising profile.

When I saw that piece of news, a rather nasty thought came quickly to my mind. I also remember thinking that if I were a foreigner, perhaps a Caucasian, I would definitely be in an appropriate place to say it aloud, but alas, I was, and forever will be, a squinty eyed Chinese boy.

But, if I were indeed born with bluer eyes, this is what I would have gladly said to that Communist :-

Yes, we will start saving the panda bears, the minute you guys stop drinking shark-fin soup.

I mean, we Chinese people eat EVERYTHING that moves, man. It is not just a offhand remark passed down from generation to generation. If its back faces the heavens, we will eat it. You give a cow to a person of any other race, he would probably drink its milk, cut it up for meat or peel its skin off for leather ( hopefully all those done in that order).

But a Chinese person would go a few steps further. The eyeballs and brains would make excellent herbs, the intestines an interesting addition to beef noodles, etc etc.

I remember watching a show on TV once about snakes. It was set in Florida, where there is an abundance of snakes. A lot of people often found snakes suddenly appearing in their homes. They don’t usually knock before entering. The TV show went something like this :-

1) Person suddenly finds a snake in the house

2) Miraculously, a camera crew happens to be in the house.

3) Instead of helping, the camera crew just films the house owner dialing 911 in panic

4) When the call is finished, the house owner looks at the camera, clearly in distraught, says something profound, like “Oh God I hope they get here soon”

5) Commercial break

6) Now, a rough, rugged sort of man who shaves once every lifetime, wearing thick boots and speaking in a Southern accent is introduced as a “Snake catcher”

7) Mr. Snake Catcher tries to catch the snake.

8) He almost catches the snake. .

9) Commercial break

10) He catches the snake. The day is saved.

Now I can’t help but thinking that the whole show would be more efficient if they just sent in a regular Chinese man. He would go in there so fast, the camera crew wouldn’t reach the house in time. And I can picture him catching the snake without so much a hint of fear, grabbing it by the tail and kung-fu chop the snake senseless. Then he would proceed to ask the house owner if he could use some pots and pans for a while. And by the way, did he have Oyster sauce?

Speaking of animals, I recently went to Seaworld in Gold Coast, Australia. It is a marine theme park with lots of animal showcases and it was generally a very fun day. My girlfriend and I saw the dugong, polar bears up close, sharks swimming underwater, dolphin performances, sea lions, and may more.

They also had a giant underground aquarium where we could see exotic fishes swimming about. Of course, there were some Chinese tourists looking at them while rubbing their tummies, drooling out of the corners of their mouths, never taking their bulging eyes off the bigger fishes.

What’s neat about this theme park that it also educated the public on the plight of the animals it showcased, many of them extinct. There were posters showing how marine life is threatened, and how uncontrolled sea mining and pollution were destroying the marine life. There was one poster in particular that showed how unregulated big scale fishing was dimishing the population of fishes.

Next door at the Seaworld restaurant, they served fish n chips for just 9. 95 AUD.

The Year 2028 (Part One)

The Year 2028 – Part One.

It is now the year 2028, and these are the terms and limits in which our country Malaysia, in all her glory and eminence, has come to be defined. Through the combined and collective efforts of all citizens, conscious or unconscious, direct or indirect, spanning the entire socioeconomic hierarchy, a summary of the status of our nation is as follows : -

Education

The Brain Drain phenomenon has reached both a peak and plateau. The highest number possible of qualified professionals have migrated overseas. Statistics claim only 25% of qualified professionals above the age of 30 are staying in the government sector. This goes in hand with an exodus of post-SPM students leaving the country to pursue tertiary education overseas, most notably the UK, USA, Australia, Singapore, China, Taiwan and Japan and Germany.

Said countries have changed policies to make it difficult for international professionals and graduates to pursue work opportunities, due to the backlash of their native workforce, unanimously forcing affirmative action in favour of their citizens

This has not deterred Malaysians from seeking employment overseas.

Reasons for the Brain Drain have been summarized into two main issues – insufficient compensation and lack of avenues for career advancement.

All subjects in all secondary schools and tertiary institutions are now taught in English, with the exception of Bahasa Malaysia, which remains the official and national language.

Technology

Malaysia, like the rest of the world, has gone 90% wireless in its Internet service. Personal users only need a wireless compatible laptop to access the Internet via the MEASAT-5 satellite. Only rural areas require the older method of fibre optics.

Globally, Internet service is now free, subsidized by all governments.

Entertainment has entered a new era.A result of the digital push pioneered by agents such as TiVO, HD television and even faster Net access, every song,movie, television show, pay-per-view are now available for downloading simultaneously with their official release.

Embraced by the industry’s major movers and shakers, downloading content for private use has become legal in all countries. This movement was spearheaded by Sony and Universal Studios which publicly revealed that their annual gross profits have fallen by 60% over the last 15 years. The move to embrace and regulate private downloading of content will at least stabilize their profit margins for the years to come.

All websites offering torrents are regulated and controlled, and the days of free downloads have been long gone 5 years ago. Peer-to-peer file sharing networks have long ceased to operate, with the last being SymbioZone, a company formed in 2015. It lasted 2 years. Every single piece of trademarked intellectual property like movies and songs are now subject to payment via the WiPay system ( see Economy)

Tangible methods of data storage like DVDs, USB-flash disks have been replaced by almost instantaneous file transfer from any location in the world, via wireless Internet access.

Downloading times are now non-existent.

The increase in Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games ( MMORPG) has seen the emergence of a new career, that being the Professional Online Gamer. In the past, this has been practiced, but only recognized as a taxable profession by the Malaysian government in 2023. In World of Warcraft 8 : Armageddon, professional players log on and play as characters that can be ‘hired’ like infantrymen, healers,scouts, administrators, coordinators, and provide other services for a fee to be paid by commercial, non-professional customers/gamers.

Social

The rate of homosexuality is now at 25%.Homosexuality has become a non-issue and the public has accepted in as part of a new, emerging lifestyle.

As a part of the non-discriminatory policy towards all citizens, all homosexual individuals now share equal rights, welfare and recognition. All major religions have accepted homosexuality.

The institution of family is practiced in a quarter of the population. The definition of ‘Family’ is as follows : - A social unit which makes up a bigger social unit called a ‘community’, which consists of a pair of parents ( a mother and father) in a mutually agreeable marriage AND biological offspring(if any) all living together in a single address, provided that the offspring are below the age of 18 or an age where tertiary education is possible.

Factors contributing to this practice being obsolete is as follows –

a) Female empowerment and feminist movements have encouraged women to carve their own careers and to exist on their own merits. Therefore, 8 out of 10 women are contented to remain uncommitted to a marriage and 6 out of 10 are happy to remain single.

b)Even in cases of marriage, both husband and wife are fully dedicated to their careers and thus unable to find time to bear offspring.

c)Divorce rates has now increased up to 85%.Almost all marriages which took place from 2010 to 2020 has resulted in divorce.Only 1 % of registered couples aged 50 and above are reported to be living in the same house.

d)With the high cost of education, more and more couples are predisposed towards saving up for a comfortable retirement, than to work almost more than half of their lifetime to pay off their children’s education. Out of all the married couples, only 57% plan to have children.

e) The acceptance of homosexuality.

In accordance to the above, sperm donation and adoption industries have bloomed in Malaysia. Public listed companies are now blue-chips in the stock market.

In all government forms, under the section of ‘Race’ or ‘Bangsa’, there is now a new category from which to choose form, named ‘Mixed’ or ‘Kacukan’. This is in following with the latest census in 2026 in which the government realized that almost one fifth of the population was of mixed parentage, individuals with both Indian and Chinese blood being the highest. The practice of recognizing a mixed parentage individual’s race upon the race of the father has long ceased.

English, Tamil and Mandarin versions of Negaraku were created 4 years ago. At any time in which the organizer of an event chooses to have the Negaraku sung in English, Tamil or Mandarin, it must come after the Malay version has been sung.

…to be continued