1) Whenever you hold your girlfriend/boyfriend’s hands on a romantic date,you can’t help but check for clubbing,splinter haemorrhages,temperature,pulse rate,etc etc.Also,before you kiss,you check for central cyanosis,dentition and hydration status
2) You diagnose the Simpsons with familial jaundice
3) You have a ‘favourite spot’ in the library, and whenever someone else happens to sit in ‘your’ spot when you get to the library, you feel like politely impaling him with a nearby chair.
4) Picking up Kumar and Clark with one hand is easy business and your biceps are roughly the same size as that book
5) Incidentally, picking up books comprise of 50% of the physical exercise that you do. The other 50 % is putting them down.
6) When your girlfriend puts on a sexy new dress and asks you how she looks, you respond, “Upon general inspection, you look comfortable and gorgeous; and there are no signs of abnormal pigmentation or fats bulging out at inappropriate places. I would now like to proceed with palpation”.
7) Your social life consists of calling up your mother and telling her why you don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend.
8) You look down on Arts students.
9) All the ward sisters are sick of you.
10) All the patients you auscultate have permanent indentations where you put your stethoscope for half an hour without moving because you “want to indentify the heart sound”, which your patient soon develops, regardless of whether he had cardiovascular problems or not.
11) When buying watermelons, you check the quality through percussion.
12) You have recently become very religious, and your daily ritual includes worship of the Son of (just leave out the son of and keep it to the one true God?) the one true God, Prof. Peter Lee.
13) You have cut down on unnecessary activities like bathing and toilet visits to have more time to study.
14) You get an allergic reaction which includes and are not limited to : - fits, shock, rashes and blackouts when at the end of a lecture, you forget to ask the lecturer questions.
15) You plan to stop reading halfway through this list to go study.
16) And never plan to come back and finish this list after you finish studying
17) Because you will never stop studying
18) You sleep with your lab coat on to save time changing into it for your hospital session the next morning.
19) You sleep for only 2 hours a day.
20) You sleep at the hospital.
21) When your car breaks down, instead of popping up the hood and staring at it aimlessly like most normal people, you write down a list of differentials on what may have caused the malfunction, examine the car to the best of your ability and present your findings in a condensed, precise 5 minute presentation complete with the investigations you deem appropriate and a brief discussion on management to the arriving mechanic.
22) You actually understand half the jokes on this list.
23) Your understanding of current affairs include the impending war on Iraq, the recent general elections where Barisan Nasional wrested the control of Terrenganu, the tsunami which devastated South East Asia and the sizzling new celebrity romance involving Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.
24) You wonder how Wolverine’s body doesn’t develop an inflammatory process against his adamantium skeleton, which is obviously a foreign body.
25) While reading through this list, you cannot help but write down T for true or F for false in pencil beside each sentence. Subsequently,at the end of this list, you are disappointed that there are no answers for which you can compare with, and therefore unable to determine your marks.
Monday, April 28, 2008
A Period of War
Since the time before history,there has been a war waged upon our Earth,ravaging the very foundations of human life.Stricken with battle after battle,the people of today have long wondered why this war still goes on and important still,when will it end,if ever?This war is fought in a myriad of ways,the air of battle permeating every nook and cranny of life,from the mundane to the extravagant.Each and every individual has been doomed to from birth to death.This is the battle that you and I fight every single day : -
The battle of the sexes
That’s right.The battle between dudes and dudettes.Guys take on the gals.The studs against the chicks.Ladies challenging the gentlemen.Adam vs Eve and everything in between.This war started a long long time ago,and will not end until the ladies realize that IT IS TIME TO CHILL OUT AND GIVE US A BREAK MAN!!
Okay that may not have been the most mature approach,but you have to forgive the lamentations of a battle-hardened vet.Them females are hardy soldiers,you can bet your machismo on that.The thing is,God may have made us equal,yada yada yada and all that jazz,but till today,we have failed to really neutralize their strongest advantage known to mankind yet.
I am not talking about the self imposed chivalry we dudes have to deal with.That’s cos deep deep down inside,we all kinda like doing it.Like offering lifts to the ladies at night,helping them with their bags,opening doors for them,doing cute little favours like sharpening pencils,bringing tiny bits of food for their snacking pleasure,favours that if performed for other male friends will result in abandonment due to irreconcilable differences,with differences meaning that you are gay and your dude friends aren’t.So chivalry is kinda OKAY,like how an SPM student not getting all A1s is kinda OKAY,or how not having a date to the prom is kinda OKAY, or how French kissing in public is kinda OKAY.No no,their advantage is much more precise,merciless and cunning.
Their periods.Yes,I said it.That time of the month where the scales tip in favour of those without the Y chromosome.It is God given and it strikes down hard,fast and mercilessly ( on the men,I mean).Yes,I know by now the Bio students will be screaming the obvious : It affects women,not men.But that will probably be drowned out by all the men screaming : THIS DUDE IS A GENIUS!
Picture this,you are with a group of friends at the nearest mamak.Everyone is having a good time,especially the mamak operator.Suddenly,a friendly argument ensues,one which you are heatedly involved in,with topics ranging from the mundane“The Backstreet Boys are Gay” to the highly intellectual “It is okay to date your best friend’s ex” to the absurd “Women need to shop for more than 8000 hours for a pair of jeans”.I mean,what the hell?WOMEN DO NOT NEED TO SHOP IN A MALL LONGER THAN IT TOOK TO BUILD THE DAMN THING!
Whoa,unintentional sidetrack there.Anyway,so the group is having a fine time,with witty banter flowing back and forth.Suddenly,a girl says Something Really Really Offensive like “ ....you are only saying they are gay cos they have millions and are much better looking than you”.Then you begin to sulk and feel Very Very Hurt by this remark,and begin to rationalize that the retort was not a fair one and uncalled for.Using logic and charm,you painstakingly Build Your Arguments,and slowly,one by one,your other companions begin to See Your Point.Then,just as you thought you won the argument, she makes the Most Effective Comeback, “ I’m sorry,it’s just that I’m having/I had/ I will have my period.”.
All your arguments and logic come crumbling down like Arroyo’s approval ratings.No matter how suave you were up till that point,through No Fault On Your Part,you have been successfully demoted to the social attractiveness of a toilet bowl.You have become a Very Very Insensitive Jerk.How could you argue at such length and depth with a girl who is CLEARLY in pain and discomfort?Didn’t your parents teach you never to make a period-ing girl defend her opinions and statements?And OF COURSE you are only saying that because you are Poorer and Uglier than the Backstreet Boys,so why are you so prissy that you have to argue with that poor girl?
So that’s my opinion about the whole period thing.It sucks,but hey,we are chivalrous little dudes,so we clench our fists,grit our teeth,square our shoulders and go off bitching about it to our other dudes and write about them in our blogs.Of course,some of us may feel that its unfair we guys don’t have like a rock solid excuse to be moody,prissy or winning arguments with.We only have but a mere shadow of the power the period exudes,and that’s during the English Premiership League,when matches involving any permutation of Arsenal,Liverpool,Manchester United and Chelsea take place.So the ultimatum-slash-conclusion is,until we can find a cure for that damn thing,the war will go on in a lopsided kinda way every once a month,period.
But that's kinda OKAY for me.
The battle of the sexes
That’s right.The battle between dudes and dudettes.Guys take on the gals.The studs against the chicks.Ladies challenging the gentlemen.Adam vs Eve and everything in between.This war started a long long time ago,and will not end until the ladies realize that IT IS TIME TO CHILL OUT AND GIVE US A BREAK MAN!!
Okay that may not have been the most mature approach,but you have to forgive the lamentations of a battle-hardened vet.Them females are hardy soldiers,you can bet your machismo on that.The thing is,God may have made us equal,yada yada yada and all that jazz,but till today,we have failed to really neutralize their strongest advantage known to mankind yet.
I am not talking about the self imposed chivalry we dudes have to deal with.That’s cos deep deep down inside,we all kinda like doing it.Like offering lifts to the ladies at night,helping them with their bags,opening doors for them,doing cute little favours like sharpening pencils,bringing tiny bits of food for their snacking pleasure,favours that if performed for other male friends will result in abandonment due to irreconcilable differences,with differences meaning that you are gay and your dude friends aren’t.So chivalry is kinda OKAY,like how an SPM student not getting all A1s is kinda OKAY,or how not having a date to the prom is kinda OKAY, or how French kissing in public is kinda OKAY.No no,their advantage is much more precise,merciless and cunning.
Their periods.Yes,I said it.That time of the month where the scales tip in favour of those without the Y chromosome.It is God given and it strikes down hard,fast and mercilessly ( on the men,I mean).Yes,I know by now the Bio students will be screaming the obvious : It affects women,not men.But that will probably be drowned out by all the men screaming : THIS DUDE IS A GENIUS!
Picture this,you are with a group of friends at the nearest mamak.Everyone is having a good time,especially the mamak operator.Suddenly,a friendly argument ensues,one which you are heatedly involved in,with topics ranging from the mundane“The Backstreet Boys are Gay” to the highly intellectual “It is okay to date your best friend’s ex” to the absurd “Women need to shop for more than 8000 hours for a pair of jeans”.I mean,what the hell?WOMEN DO NOT NEED TO SHOP IN A MALL LONGER THAN IT TOOK TO BUILD THE DAMN THING!
Whoa,unintentional sidetrack there.Anyway,so the group is having a fine time,with witty banter flowing back and forth.Suddenly,a girl says Something Really Really Offensive like “ ....you are only saying they are gay cos they have millions and are much better looking than you”.Then you begin to sulk and feel Very Very Hurt by this remark,and begin to rationalize that the retort was not a fair one and uncalled for.Using logic and charm,you painstakingly Build Your Arguments,and slowly,one by one,your other companions begin to See Your Point.Then,just as you thought you won the argument, she makes the Most Effective Comeback, “ I’m sorry,it’s just that I’m having/I had/ I will have my period.”.
All your arguments and logic come crumbling down like Arroyo’s approval ratings.No matter how suave you were up till that point,through No Fault On Your Part,you have been successfully demoted to the social attractiveness of a toilet bowl.You have become a Very Very Insensitive Jerk.How could you argue at such length and depth with a girl who is CLEARLY in pain and discomfort?Didn’t your parents teach you never to make a period-ing girl defend her opinions and statements?And OF COURSE you are only saying that because you are Poorer and Uglier than the Backstreet Boys,so why are you so prissy that you have to argue with that poor girl?
So that’s my opinion about the whole period thing.It sucks,but hey,we are chivalrous little dudes,so we clench our fists,grit our teeth,square our shoulders and go off bitching about it to our other dudes and write about them in our blogs.Of course,some of us may feel that its unfair we guys don’t have like a rock solid excuse to be moody,prissy or winning arguments with.We only have but a mere shadow of the power the period exudes,and that’s during the English Premiership League,when matches involving any permutation of Arsenal,Liverpool,Manchester United and Chelsea take place.So the ultimatum-slash-conclusion is,until we can find a cure for that damn thing,the war will go on in a lopsided kinda way every once a month,period.
But that's kinda OKAY for me.
Let's talk about online profiles
Let’s talk about MSN Messenger for a bit. Everyone these days have MSN Messenger. It is one those wonderful new modern inventions which has given us, via the Internet, a whole new way of ignoring each other.
How MSN works really baffles me. You get on your computer, start it up, wait for it to finish loading Windows, double click on that MSN icon, then type in your password, wait for it to successfully connect, and once that happens, completely ignore or forget the fact that you are on MSN Messenger. Surf the Web? Sure, no problem. Check your email? Go for it. But do not, whatever you do, respond to any messages popping up on MSN Messenger.
What is the logic behind that? Do we go to parties, all dressed to the nines, with drink in hand, just wandering around the guests, and when people try to talk to you, you just say, “Oh please don’t talk to me, I am away.”
Why are we always AWAY on MSN?
What’s the point of even showing up online in MSN?
I know what some of you will say, “Oh I just leave myself online in case someone has to leave me a message.”
Okay now, whippersnapper, there are two flaws to that theory.
1) How important can the message be, when that person leaves you that message while you’re AWAY? For all that person knows, you ain’t even in the same room. How irresponsible is that?
If you know someone is not at home, will you still knock on his door to tell him that his girlfriend is cheating on him?
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“Hey uh, JIM? I know you’re not at home right now. I just uh.. wanna let you know that I’m having sex with your girlfriend.”
To me, a message left on MSN tells you a couple of things about the person passing on the message. He is not interested in: -
a) Your part of the conversation,
b) Looking at you or,
c) Hearing your voice.
Suddenly, that person has forgotten that he has a handphone. It is not acceptable for someone to pass along an important message via MSN while the recipient is AWAY, which will probably be read too late, unless of course the person giving the message is stranded in a desert, marooned on an island or trapped in the boot of a car, in which case he won’t have Internet access either, thus making it a moot point.
And, seeing as you are AWAY, how will you know an important message has come in? What are the ramifications of you not getting that message?
“Hey dude, you going to Allison’s All-Bikini party later?”
“What? I didn’t know about that! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I did, I left you a message on MSN”
“Yeah, but I was AWAY wasn’t I?”
“But you were, technically online, weren’t you?”
“Yeah, but still, AWAY!”
“So you weren’t online?”
“No I was, but…”
“So you’re saying to me you were stuck in limbo between being online and not?”
“No, what I’m saying is, that while I was online, I was in a situation where it would have been just the same as not being online.”
“Then why were you online?”
“Look I don’t know how to answer th-”
“Alright, I gotta go now! My camera’s memory card is in for a longggg night.”
“You’re going without me?”
“It’s an ALL – BIKINI party! Don’t worry, I will let you know all about it later alright?”
“Yeah. Just leave me a message on MSN.”
Thus, we come to the conclusion that you can’t justifiably get pissed at not getting messages left on MSN for you while you are AWAY. It won’t hold up in court, your friend will just laugh in your face, and you will look like an idiot.
Now we come to the second flaw to the theory which of course, is --
2) Who will be sending you messages on MSN when we know that everyone else is AWAY, waiting for people to send them messages?
That’s all for today.
How MSN works really baffles me. You get on your computer, start it up, wait for it to finish loading Windows, double click on that MSN icon, then type in your password, wait for it to successfully connect, and once that happens, completely ignore or forget the fact that you are on MSN Messenger. Surf the Web? Sure, no problem. Check your email? Go for it. But do not, whatever you do, respond to any messages popping up on MSN Messenger.
What is the logic behind that? Do we go to parties, all dressed to the nines, with drink in hand, just wandering around the guests, and when people try to talk to you, you just say, “Oh please don’t talk to me, I am away.”
Why are we always AWAY on MSN?
What’s the point of even showing up online in MSN?
I know what some of you will say, “Oh I just leave myself online in case someone has to leave me a message.”
Okay now, whippersnapper, there are two flaws to that theory.
1) How important can the message be, when that person leaves you that message while you’re AWAY? For all that person knows, you ain’t even in the same room. How irresponsible is that?
If you know someone is not at home, will you still knock on his door to tell him that his girlfriend is cheating on him?
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“Hey uh, JIM? I know you’re not at home right now. I just uh.. wanna let you know that I’m having sex with your girlfriend.”
To me, a message left on MSN tells you a couple of things about the person passing on the message. He is not interested in: -
a) Your part of the conversation,
b) Looking at you or,
c) Hearing your voice.
Suddenly, that person has forgotten that he has a handphone. It is not acceptable for someone to pass along an important message via MSN while the recipient is AWAY, which will probably be read too late, unless of course the person giving the message is stranded in a desert, marooned on an island or trapped in the boot of a car, in which case he won’t have Internet access either, thus making it a moot point.
And, seeing as you are AWAY, how will you know an important message has come in? What are the ramifications of you not getting that message?
“Hey dude, you going to Allison’s All-Bikini party later?”
“What? I didn’t know about that! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I did, I left you a message on MSN”
“Yeah, but I was AWAY wasn’t I?”
“But you were, technically online, weren’t you?”
“Yeah, but still, AWAY!”
“So you weren’t online?”
“No I was, but…”
“So you’re saying to me you were stuck in limbo between being online and not?”
“No, what I’m saying is, that while I was online, I was in a situation where it would have been just the same as not being online.”
“Then why were you online?”
“Look I don’t know how to answer th-”
“Alright, I gotta go now! My camera’s memory card is in for a longggg night.”
“You’re going without me?”
“It’s an ALL – BIKINI party! Don’t worry, I will let you know all about it later alright?”
“Yeah. Just leave me a message on MSN.”
Thus, we come to the conclusion that you can’t justifiably get pissed at not getting messages left on MSN for you while you are AWAY. It won’t hold up in court, your friend will just laugh in your face, and you will look like an idiot.
Now we come to the second flaw to the theory which of course, is --
2) Who will be sending you messages on MSN when we know that everyone else is AWAY, waiting for people to send them messages?
That’s all for today.
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