A Period of War

Since the time before history,there has been a war waged upon our Earth,ravaging the very foundations of human life.Stricken with battle after battle,the people of today have long wondered why this war still goes on and important still,when will it end,if ever?This war is fought in a myriad of ways,the air of battle permeating every nook and cranny of life,from the mundane to the extravagant.Each and every individual has been doomed to from birth to death.This is the battle that you and I fight every single day : -
The battle of the sexes
That’s right.The battle between dudes and dudettes.Guys take on the gals.The studs against the chicks.Ladies challenging the gentlemen.Adam vs Eve and everything in between.This war started a long long time ago,and will not end until the ladies realize that IT IS TIME TO CHILL OUT AND GIVE US A BREAK MAN!!
Okay that may not have been the most mature approach,but you have to forgive the lamentations of a battle-hardened vet.Them females are hardy soldiers,you can bet your machismo on that.The thing is,God may have made us equal,yada yada yada and all that jazz,but till today,we have failed to really neutralize their strongest advantage known to mankind yet.
I am not talking about the self imposed chivalry we dudes have to deal with.That’s cos deep deep down inside,we all kinda like doing it.Like offering lifts to the ladies at night,helping them with their bags,opening doors for them,doing cute little favours like sharpening pencils,bringing tiny bits of food for their snacking pleasure,favours that if performed for other male friends will result in abandonment due to irreconcilable differences,with differences meaning that you are gay and your dude friends aren’t.So chivalry is kinda OKAY,like how an SPM student not getting all A1s is kinda OKAY,or how not having a date to the prom is kinda OKAY, or how French kissing in public is kinda OKAY.No no,their advantage is much more precise,merciless and cunning.
Their periods.Yes,I said it.That time of the month where the scales tip in favour of those without the Y chromosome.It is God given and it strikes down hard,fast and mercilessly ( on the men,I mean).Yes,I know by now the Bio students will be screaming the obvious : It affects women,not men.But that will probably be drowned out by all the men screaming : THIS DUDE IS A GENIUS!
Picture this,you are with a group of friends at the nearest mamak.Everyone is having a good time,especially the mamak operator.Suddenly,a friendly argument ensues,one which you are heatedly involved in,with topics ranging from the mundane“The Backstreet Boys are Gay” to the highly intellectual “It is okay to date your best friend’s ex” to the absurd “Women need to shop for more than 8000 hours for a pair of jeans”.I mean,what the hell?WOMEN DO NOT NEED TO SHOP IN A MALL LONGER THAN IT TOOK TO BUILD THE DAMN THING!
Whoa,unintentional sidetrack there.Anyway,so the group is having a fine time,with witty banter flowing back and forth.Suddenly,a girl says Something Really Really Offensive like “ ....you are only saying they are gay cos they have millions and are much better looking than you”.Then you begin to sulk and feel Very Very Hurt by this remark,and begin to rationalize that the retort was not a fair one and uncalled for.Using logic and charm,you painstakingly Build Your Arguments,and slowly,one by one,your other companions begin to See Your Point.Then,just as you thought you won the argument, she makes the Most Effective Comeback, “ I’m sorry,it’s just that I’m having/I had/ I will have my period.”.
All your arguments and logic come crumbling down like Arroyo’s approval ratings.No matter how suave you were up till that point,through No Fault On Your Part,you have been successfully demoted to the social attractiveness of a toilet bowl.You have become a Very Very Insensitive Jerk.How could you argue at such length and depth with a girl who is CLEARLY in pain and discomfort?Didn’t your parents teach you never to make a period-ing girl defend her opinions and statements?And OF COURSE you are only saying that because you are Poorer and Uglier than the Backstreet Boys,so why are you so prissy that you have to argue with that poor girl?
So that’s my opinion about the whole period thing.It sucks,but hey,we are chivalrous little dudes,so we clench our fists,grit our teeth,square our shoulders and go off bitching about it to our other dudes and write about them in our blogs.Of course,some of us may feel that its unfair we guys don’t have like a rock solid excuse to be moody,prissy or winning arguments with.We only have but a mere shadow of the power the period exudes,and that’s during the English Premiership League,when matches involving any permutation of Arsenal,Liverpool,Manchester United and Chelsea take place.So the ultimatum-slash-conclusion is,until we can find a cure for that damn thing,the war will go on in a lopsided kinda way every once a month,period.
But that's kinda OKAY for me.