Have you ever?

Nowadays, everyone is caught up with our differences. Race, religion, sexual orientation, favourite Power Puff Girl, etc etc. I think it is more important to touch upon our similarities, things that we ALL experience in isolation, but can be grouped together as a universal similarity ,shared by all, regardless of our purported differences. These are the things that I believe we all happen to do one time or the other : -

Have you ever …

…while the owner of an economy rice or nasi kandar stall is estimating what he should charge for your plate of rice and assorted dishes, silently pray the he under-charges you?

…gotten annoyed at your friend’s emo messages that they post next to their nickname on MSN?

…while driving on a busy highway, wished you had rocket launchers installed on your car?

… popped up the hood of the engine when the car breaks down, despite the fact that deep down, you know that it won’t make a difference anyway because you ain’t no mechanic and can’t tell the radiator from the timing belt?

…wondered why Superman didn’t use his X-ray vision to check out Lois Lane naked?

…and incidentally, wondered how the hell can people think Clark Kent and Superman are two different people? I mean, just by putting on spectacles? Someone alert the police on this new form of disguise!

…secretly laughed at your friend who has put on a bit of weight?

…secretly worried that your friend who has lost a bit of weight will laugh at you because now, you have relatively ‘put on a bit of weight?”.

…been a teensy bit worried that one day, perhaps years from now, you might just discover that you are homosexual? Or if you’re homosexual, discover that you are actually heterosexual?

…wanted to stab the groin of friends who show you their photos taken during the most recent holiday, which you spent sitting at home, blogging your daily life down to every last boring detail?

…thought of the possibility that you are the ONLY sentient human on this EARTH, and everyone around you, including your parents, loved ones,friends, are all hollow robots commanded by God to give you an illusion of a normal life? I mean, have you ever opened them up to see if their bones and nerves are really frames and wires?

…laughed at guys who drive Kancils?

…wanted to die your hair neon purple just for the heck of it?

…wondered why cineplexes don’t install rocket launchers that blast out moviegoers who fail to put their handphone on silent and answer their handphones when it rings?

…seen a blind man begging on a street who happens to wear a watch and wonder to yourself, ‘What’s the purpose of the watch?’?

…felt sorry for security guards, toll booth operators, toilet cleaners, road sweepers, garbage collectors, grass cutters, construction workers, petrol pump attendants, etc. because their job is tough and boring?

... and then realized that your job is ALSO tough and boring?

…had a haircut at an Indian barber shop and felt that all the barbers around you are literally making fun of YOU behind your back and there’s nothing you can do about it because you can’t understand Tamil?

…realized that when you really think about it, Nicol David is actually kinda hot?

…wished that perhaps one day, someone really rich and famous will stumble upon your blog, and be so impressed by it that he offers you a million dollars?

…sung to yourself in the shower and realize that damn, you are actually much better than Josh Groban and Rihanna, just that you didn’t have the opportunity and proper exposure?

…typed an SMS about Person A to be sent to Person B but you end up sending the SMS to Person A instead? For instance,

[ hey john, omg im secretly laffing cos Jason put on some weight ]

1) Okay
2) Phonebook
3) Scroll down
4) Jason Handphone
5) Send!

…wished that every time someone ‘miss calls’ you because he is too stingy to actually spend credit calling you, your handphone sends a covert signal to a satellite that triangulates the position of your ‘miss caller’ and then arms the rocket launchers in your car to blast him and his family to oblivion?